Thank you 16

Thank you 16,New Year,2020

 Jan. 5,Epiphany


I miss my friends  very much these days.When I want to talk to someone ,  they are the ones I used to call.It is a reminder to me that life is transient and that I have to prepare myself for that end. A's picture   waiting at the Paoli station  comes to my mind often.After she has deteriorated in health, it is Jogy who comes to pick me up from her house. He also drops me there.Thampi and Ittyrachan also have dropped me there.It is God's decision that she should not suffer any more. 
Jesus is telling me to put all my trust and faith in Him and never to wander away from Him.O Lord, be with me and strengthen me.
Monday,Jan 6
Went to Xime. When I reached there, I found that the students were all back after their vacation. There was a small celebration at 3p.m in recognition of the Best Director Award conferred on Dr.Nandagopal.

I am using the new allergy tablets from Costco.This morning I had a lot of sneezing etc but it looks like that it has subsided.
Jan.7,Tuesday
Today the retreat begins for the Bishops.Tomorrow is the National Strike.I may not go to Xime. I have to make calls to Bishops to remind them about the Inter-Church Council meeting.
Meditation on Lk. Ch.10—Good Samaritan and Martha and Mary.
Jesus praises Mary's decision to sit beside him to listen to his teaching.Martha  is busy with preparations to host Jesus properly but still the non-working Mary is praised because of her decision to listen to his teaching.What is important is the time  that we spend with Jesus. I do have to spend more time with Jesus, spending at least 30 minutes daily in my office room  for prayer.I have to be with the Lord, thanking him and praising him .Nothing else is needed.Jesus will forgive my sins. I need God's help and his  healing.
 I have to learn everyday at least one saying of Jesus to repeat during my vacant hours on that day.
Today, the words I have to remember are the following: “One thing is needed.Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken away from her.”
Jan. 8,Wednesday
Public Strike.I would be going to XIME as today is not a bandh day and private vehicles would be on the road. Biju was asked to go to the Mount to call the Bishops for the Inter-Church Council meeting.

In today's meditation, Jesus is teaching the disciples the prayer, Our Father. In addition to teaching them the prayer, he asks them to persevere in their prayer and  to  ask God for anything they want. God  will not deny our requests,just like a parent who accedes to the request of his son. In response to a woman's comment that the mother of Jesus is a blessed person, Jesus says that everyone who listens to him and follows him is his mother and relatives.
I have to be in constant contact with my Lord.The Lord is my life.
Lord, be with me. Forgive my sins. You are the joy of my life. Have mercy on me. When I look back on my life, I find so many instances of failure. In spite of my training and knowledge,  how easily I have failed in my faithfulness to you, O Lord.
Jan.9, Wednesday

Today for meditation, Jn.14. A very beautiful Ch. The words Jesus spoke here should be my source of inspiration and life. Jesus is the way, the life and the truth.  He tells us that if we ask Him anything in His name, He will do it.
Lord, your words are very consoling.I don't have to depend on anyone. You are my joy, peace and life. It is in you that I have to find joy. Oh, I will live in you and find my way in you. I don't have to look for my happiness in any person other than you. I have to trust and believe that you will forgive my sins and keep me beside you. I have to live with you in my heart and soul. Lord, thank you for revealing this truth to me. I have to find my rest and happiness in you.
This morning, will go to the Mount. Will say mass there, have an early lunch and go Ayavana for the funeral.
Jan.19,Friday
Yesterday went to the Mount, said the mass ,had early lunch and left for Kothamangalam. Reached there half an hour early and said the office. Waited there for the service to begin.
Today , reading from Jn.15 for meditation.Jesus is the vine and we are the branches. I have to be attached to Jesus in my thoughts and feelings.There should be nothing else in life that should draw away  my attention from Jesus.A heart without any ill-feelings and totally focused on Jesus should be my aim in life.Will go to XIME in the morning and will have lunch at the Mount. Lord,I offer myself to you . Keep me in your love. Guide and direct me. Thank you for your blessings.You are my Lord and my  life. Every moment that I have on earth  will be spent for you.Lord, bless me. 
I find  that Fr.Mannarkulam passed away. I was thinking of going over to meet him but forgot all about it.God bless him.
Talked to Fr.Mattappally. He says he is the only surviving member in his family out of 11(including his parents.) I called to congratulate him on his article on Fr.Karukakalam in the Madhysthan.
Tomorrow when I go to Parel for the wedding, I will go to Nedumkunnam for viewing his body at 3p.m.
 Today's paper  carries the news that Biju's app has an investment  of  $8 billion.
I am at the Mount. Said mass at 2.45 p.m.It looks silent here. Maybe the Bishops are at their conference.I did not hear the sound of the bell.The nuncio is here.
I have to do  some reading.
Jan.12.
Went yesterday morning to Chy . The wedding of Raju Kuttikal's son at 11 am at Parel Church. Gave the homily and concelebrated the mass.Fr.Roy and Fr.Philip were there for the ceremony. After lunch , went straight to Nedumkunnam and reached there  by 2p.m. I called Fr.Koodathil before I left Parel.They gave me a room to rest and so I could lie down for an hour.The body was brought by 3.30p.m. I said an office along with Fr.Nirappel. On my return, stopped at Sr. Espirit's  room ,saw her and prayed over her. She still can recognize and speak. Returned straight to Ekm.
Fr.Antony's departure was sudden in the sense that he was younger to me.He was sick for a couple of years. I did not have a chance to talk to him.I lost that opportunity.It was because of the classes I had at XIME. Otherwise, I could have found a day.Now, he is gone from our lives.I still see him as a young seminarian.
He was always affectionate, respectful and very courteous in his dealings with me.I should have helped him financially when he asked for help in the days when he was building up Sanjivany.I did not take his request seriously. He did a lot of work in constructing different places for those who are sick and marginalized.He was always jolly and fun-loving and treated all with respect. Discussed sometimes his dealings with the diocese. God bless him.We lost a kind-hearted and gentle priest.
Each one is given a gift in a different way. Each one has to develop that gift.I am not given the gift for construction but the gift of reading and communication. I have to read more and use my knowledge to speak about Christ without any diffidence.Nothing should deter me from speaking about the message of my Lord.The Lord has given me a Ph.D. in English.So why should I be diffident?Very few have that privilege.He has given me health and the means to buy books.Without feeling diffident, I should work to spread the message of Jesus.I should be bold and confident.Nothing should deter me from my work.I have only one work and nothing else.Use everything that I have to speak about Jesus.I have to leave when Jesus calls me. That is all. No diffidence before anybody.No authority ecclesiastical or otherwise does have any power over me.I have got whatever is needed in my life and ministry.I have still a lot of things to do for Jesus.I have to do all those things until the end of my life. Thank you,Lord, for inspiring me to make this resolution.
Today I finished reading the novel,The Sacrament. It is about a paedophile priest but is narrated in a subtle manner.The whole story is narrated by a sister who is sent as an investigator by a Cardinal from the Vatican. Since the sister is prevented from her investigations by the local Bishop and the Cardinal, the sister prepares the report and goes to the bell tower of the Church and seeing the priest at the top of the bell tower , repairing the bell, she pushes  him through an open window and he falls to the ground , unseen by anybody except a boy who was locked in a closet in the school nearby. He doesn't see much clearly as he was confused by the sight. Very readable and one does not feel bored in any way. There are not many incidents or gripping narratives.
Watched a movie called “ Friends for Life”  where a  retired lawyer takes care of four wolf puppies who save him later.He was in grief because of his wife's death.Angel Raphael appears encouraging him and he gets over his grief and tries to do good for others. The last sentence he says in the movie.: "I heard the whisper of the wings."
His love for the wife and his grief over his loss are beautifully portrayed. A very good movie on Tubi.
Jan 13,Monday.
Will go to Xime and will read and write from there.
Reading a few pages from the book Making Choices by Peter Kreeft.
Jan.14,Tuesday
Will go to Xime and will give a call to Abraham Kurien. Will use the time to read of Kreeft's book.
Today , reading Jn.17 for meditation.Jesus is speaking about his unity with the Father and the unity of all believers with him and the Father. Today, I should spend more time in reflecting on my unity with the Lord.That sense of unity is the joy of my life and gives the confidence to overcome the fear that arises in my life.Lord, be with me at all times in my life.
Jan 16,Thursday-Inter-Church Council Meeting
A long ride from Kochi with Bp.Vaniapurakal in his car to Tvm.Reached there by 7.30pm.We started by 11.30.am.Stopped at Green Gardens for lunch and at Holy Cross Provincilate for coffee. Had a nice dinner with the Cardinal.Also there were  a few French tourists. My phone does not work.I have to check with the idea -people after my return.
Lord, I thank you for giving me the chance to work still for you.I offer everything that I do for this meeting. Help me to speak for you and to work for you.
Jan.17, Friday
Said mass at the private chapel with Bp.Sebastian.Waited for more than  an hour in my room for the breakfast.Again breakfast along with the Cardinal, Bp.Aprem and Bp.Awgin. Read the newspapers. Deepika has two reports about the meeting. Mathrubhoomi, I was told , carried the news. Didn't see anything in the Manorama .
My phone does not work in Tvm.I have to find out the reason.I cannot call anyone nor receive any calls.I am totally out of communication. My charge on the phone is getting weaker. the laptop is the only one working now. I have to accept these limitations. I have not brought any book for reading.I was under the impression that I could use my i phone. Now I have nothing with me that  I can use during this time.I need just say the prayers and offer myself to the Lord.Thank you, Lord, for this time of silence in my life.
I have to spend my time with the Lord. That is all that I have to do now.

Jan,20,Monday.
Last night,Fr.Vincent called to tell me that the Feast of St. Sebastian would be celebrated next day morning and requested me to say a  few words tomorrow about the two Sebastians in the community—the Bp and Fr.M.I tried to wriggle out of it but in the end, consented. I will be staying tonight at the Mount, hence, and will spend my time with them.I have to feel joyful in being part of the community. Will have to speak of all their good qualities.
I was meditating on ch.11 of Lk's Gospel where Jesus speaks about the vanity of wealth, trust in the providence of God and being ready for the final calling at any time in my life. O, Lord, those words are very appropriate to me and they speak directly to my mind which is often caught up in worries and vain thinking. What is required is to be ready for my call and also to be repentant always of my sins and failures. Now, nothing can be done with regard to the past. The past has happened and I cannot change it. But I can ask the Lord for forgiveness. In spite of my education and learning, I realize that those achievements did not help me to be morally upright always.It was so easy for me to slip and fall.I have to depend on the mercy of God. He has given me so much in spite of my failings. Lord, thank you and forgive me.
Jan.20,Tuesday
Last night-- went to the Mount and stayed there for the celebration of St.Sebastian's feast as I had to give a short message. Con-celebrated the morning mass.I woke up at 4.30 am and was present for the morning prayers. After the mass, we had breakfast. I had to give the speech right at the beginning before breakfast. Gave a short speech , praising both of them, using a story of Sheen on KISS. It was well appreciated. Also used, Festina, Lente to refer to Fr.Muttamthottiyil's style of life.

I was feeling very sleepy in the morning and could not do much. Thank You, Lord.

Thank you ,11

Thank you-11
Sept.20.Sunday
Went with Bp.Alappatt to Washington DC by car in order to participate in the laying of the foundation stone for the new Washington DC SM church.They acknowledged me as the founder of the community.Met a few of the community.A good number of priests were present. Fr.Punchayil was present.Had supper at the house of Aleyamma and Johnson.I returned around 12 midnight.It was a long ride up and down. Mr.Roy of NJ drove the car.

I miss the voice and guidance of A.I know in the last few months before her death, she was hospitalized from the fall at her house and hence was not helpful much in her guidance. She was such a tower of strength in the past, offering her advice and guidance. 
Sept.25,Wednesday:
Just two more days for my return trip. I have to start packing. I am happy and peaceful.I have something to do when I get back. I have to work with the staff at XIME , organizing the programmes for the youth.
I have to continue my jottings.
Lord, increase in me the power of your presence. Help me to find peace in you.  The doubts and worries in my life should no more bother me.Help me to understand the power of the sacrament of reconciliation.Once God has forgiven me through the power of the sacrament, I should never waver in my acceptance of the grace of forgiveness.The past is past.I have to move forward with  confidence and joy.I will be getting opportunities to speak about Jesus.
In today's reading for the meditation, I read Lk,9,61. Jesus is my strength.He is my life.
In response to Jesus' request to follow him, some one wants to say good bye to his family.Jesus tells him that one who looks  back after putting his hand on the plow is not worthy of the kingdom of God.Lord keep me with you and give me your joy and peace.
This morning,I spoke with KA Georgekutty as I found his call yesterday.He spoke about Mathaichan's(OFFICE) passing away after a surgery and complications at the Chethipuzha hospital. Mathaichan was a simple and gentle-hearted person.His daughters were employed in Germany as nurses and built a good house.God bless him and give him eternal rest. He was 78 years old.
I was reading the book,Give and Take , but  it was not that interesting.The author is emphasizing the value of giving and not taking.Adam Grant, the author is a Professor at Wharton school of Business.
Another chapter is the power of powerless communication.Instead of being assertive, one can start from one's vulnerability.A giver starts with vulnerability.
Some of his concluding thoughts are the following:
“Personally,the successful people whom I admire most are givers, and I feel that it is my responsibility to try to pass along what I have learned from them.
Although many of us hold strong values,we are often reluctant  to express them.p.256.
The more I help out,the more successful I become.but I measure success in what it has done for the people around me.p.256
This is what I find most magnetic about successful givers.They get to the top without cutting others down,finding ways of expanding the pie that benefit themselves and the people around them.
Givers advance the world.Takers advance themselves and hold the world back. p.256
We do a majority of our waking hours at work....by shifting ever so slightly in the giver direction,we might find our waking hours marked by greater success,richer meaning,and more lasting impact.p.259.
Spoke to Vakachan.Today is his birthday.Gave an update about chackochan's health.He will have to spend a few months in the rehab.God bless him.I will keep him in my prayers.
Jesus, help me to be close to you.Help me to read and understand the power of your words.Let those words become my life.
Jesus' prayer to the Father ; I praise you ,Father,Lord of heaven and earth,because you have hidden these things from the wise and the learned,and made them known to little children. Lk 10,22
Sept.27,Friday.
Last day here during this visit.Lord, help me to be closer to you.Forgive my offenses. Nothing important is there to do.Will spend more time, praying and reading.The Supreme Court is adamant in its decision for the demolition of Maradu apartments.A very distressing situation.
Thank you ,Lord for your blessings.
This evening, Joshy and Sunu came to take me out for a dinner at a Gk restaurant, Lethos. The food was good—I got salmon.They spoke about the need for a surgery for Sunu within a year. It is past midnight, getting ready for sleep.Tomorrow, will be leaving for the airport at 8am.
Sept.28,7.15 am.
Lord, I thank you for all the blessings given to me during the stay here this month. Could give two homilies and bore witness to your love.Lord, thank you for your love.I will always keep my love for you undiminished. You will always be in my heart.My actions and words will be filled  with your spirit.I won't do anything that would in anyway  diminish the love  of others for you.I will never depend on anyone nor would try to ingratiate myself with any one for the sake of favors.I don't want any favors.You have given me enough opportunities to work freely and with dignity.I will always use them.I find joy in your presence.I will keep my devotion to the Blessed Mother with great fervor and love.My mother  has sustained me  and kept my faith in you beloved Lord.I pray for all the members of my family, my parents and brothers and sisters and the members of the family who are with you.I offer my prayers for A,J and Thy who are with you.Bless them and forgive them.Keep them in your love.I cannot forget how A was a source of blessing for me, guiding me and praying for me.She used to lavish me with gifts whenever I came here.Bless her.
Thank you.Lord for your love.
Sept.29,Monday.
I returned last night.The flight was OK.The customs clearance, baggage clearance and check -in were smooth because of  the wheel chair assistant.He did everything very nicely.In that way one of my worries was solved.Thank you , Lord for your kindness. Went to the Lounge in Bombay and stayed there for three hours.At Kochi , a lady  took the baggage and put  it in the trolley. 
Varghese called me to say that the Arcbishop has taken charge as the Manager and appointed Fr. Padaith as the interim manager of SB college. 
Lord, I thank you for giving me this time again.I will spend my time in prayers.Jesus is the Lord of my life.

I have to find joy until the end of my life in the power and the presence of Jesus.I will not put any trust in anything else.Jesus alone is enough.I know He will not abandon one who loves him.
Oct,1,Tuesday 1.30 am
I am not sleeping.I had a short nap after supper. I did go to XIME and Kakkand.I think I will go to Kakkanad everyday after 4p.m to say mass.I can spend some time in adoration too. This is an opportunity God has given me.I will continue my walks and spend my time in prayer.
Lord, every day, I offer all those intentions of my friends and relatives to you.Bless them and be with them.Protect them.I remember all my late friends, relatives and parents and offer all of them to you.Protect them , save them and give them eternal happiness. I have no meritorious deeds to offer to you.I am a sinner and have lost all the opportunities you gave me. I  am alive now because of your protection.Thank you Lord for your love. The priests are going to Munnar and they have asked me to say mass on Oct.3rd,Thursday.I have to stay there on Oct.2 night.
Oct.2,Gandhi Jayanthi Day
Today is a public holiday,No class  at XIME.I did not have to go to the Curia for mass as Fr.Vincent does not plan to go.Since I don't have anything to do, I went to Alleppey to say an  office for Ammachi.Philip was there to help.He told me that the Accountant Mathew Kuracherry's wife was sick and hence I comforted him.
Reached Ekm by 3.30p.m.
 Oct.3,Thursday
Lord, thank you again for your love and protection.Help me to pray and spend my time in your presence.I am slowly getting over my travel fatigue.For the last couple of days, there was a sense of slow movement but now I am getting over it.It is now 9.30 p.m.I am trying to avoid falling asleep.The travel fatigue is slowly disappearing.I have to thank the Lord for His innumerable blessings.I realize the power of psalms now.They are great expressions of love and gratitude.They offer us a way to be close to God through praise and love.God, I offer myself and all those who are related to me through family and friendship to your protection.
Oct.4,Friday
Today is Ammachi's death anniversary. Ammachi passed away on Oct.4th,1988.God bless her.She kept me in her prayers everyday.I feel unworthy of that love and prayers but those prayers have kept me  from falling into great dangers.Thank you Lord; protect her.
The mass was said at St.Martin's. I could say mass well because of the good mike system.I did not have to raise my voice. Ria sang all the songs for the mass.We gathered after the mass for lunch at Mathaichan's house.Thunder and lightning now.Turned off TV and the internet.
Nothing else is there to write about.I am slowly getting over the jet fatigue.
Oct .7,Monday
Thank you Lord for this day.I woke up around 3 am and began to read Faith and Reason.The essay by Peter Kreeft was very good—he describes his conversion to Catholicism from his Dutch Calvinist Church upbringing.This book deals with the conversion stories of a few modern American philosophers.Tells how they all CAME  TO THE CATHOLIC CHURCH.
Peter Kreef has an essay titled “Why” because from his early years he was always asking Why.He was not a rebel but an explorer and wanted to know the reason for everything.It brought him to reading the Church Fathers  especially their  treatment of  the Eucharist.Abandoning the Eucharist was the failure of the Protestant denominations, according to Kreeft. So also is their antipathy to Tradition. He realizes that the NT was the product of the Tradition.With regard to Mary, he notes that as Jesus is our medicine for salvation,Mary received the preventative medicine while we receive the healing medicine.
This morning, I read the passage from the Gospel of Mathew where the two blind men were calling out to Jesus to heal them.It is a lesson for me to call out to Jesus daily in my life to heal me. I cannot live without being close to him.I want to be healed by Him , to be forgiven by Him and to be guided and supported by Him.
Lord, be with me .
I was reimbursed by the insurance and  I never thought that they would reimburse me the expenses I incurred for my eye surgery.
Since there is no internet service here at Xime, I cannot do anything on online.
Oct.8,Tuesday.Pooja holiday at Xime
I will be going to the Mount and will stay there for the retreat.Will go to Xime tomorrow from there.I will spend more time in the chapel today.God has given me a little time and I have to use it in prayers.From today on wards, I have decided to spend at least two hours and more in prayers..Just be in the presence of the Lord.I have no long prayers.Will say , I love you Lord and forgive my sins.Bless those whom I have hurt through my thoughts, words and actions.
Today in the Gospel of Mathew, I read the passages on Jesus' entry into the Temple  and Jesus' cursing of the fig tree.He tells the disciples that with faith,they can do anything.What is needed is total faith in the Lord. If our faith is strong, even mountains will be moved from their places.
O Lord, increase my faith.Help me to be strongly attached to you.You are the joy of my life.I have faltered and deviated from my paths.Now the journey is going to end.Many of my friends who were close to me have departed.I have very people with whom I can engage in conversation.The recent deaths of A,Thuruthmaly and Kazkukachalil have taken away from me persons with whom I could enter into conversations freely and unabashedly. Lord, be kind to me.

Thank you-3

Thank you-3, June 21, Thursday
Lord, thank you for time given to me. Today, I did some reading on writing memos and reports.There are not many with whom I can talk  now.
 Fr.Thuruthmaly and Fr Jose were very companionable and I could talk with them freely. Well, it is the will of God for them to leave the earth.
Their lives and achievements were over.It is the same with every one.My time is also coming closer.There is no way one can live for ever.It is a fact of life that it should be over.I have to accept that and find my joy and peace in the Lord.
I miss A as she would be offering very sensible advice.But when she became aged and full of pain, she was always in her complaining mood. 
I am now listening to music on chrome cast.
I have to find my joy and peace in Jesus.I have to follow the examples set by the lives of Ouseppachan and Josachan. When I think of my life, I feel ashamed of my failures and weaknesses.But Jesus offers us hope.He himself has asked us to show mercy and forgiveness without any reservation.The Lord is  giving us mercy and forgiveness without any limit.Thank you,Lord.
June 22, Saturday
I spent a few minutes in the Chapel.What I have to do is to spend Saturdays with the Lord, in the Chapel.Nothing else is to be done.If I have nothing else to do, I should come here and spend the time before the Bl.Sacrament.
I have not done much except writing down some notes on writing memos.But that is OK. What is important is spending time with the Lord.I will do more writing too on communications.
Sunday-June 23
I did not do much today except going to the church to say the mass privately. I have collected the papers necessary for the cataract surgery.
I will go for the laser, if it is available there.
Lord, give me the strength and confidence to do everything for you.I know I don't have any public platform to work on. Of course, even if I get any official posting, I am beyond the age where I can be employable.Look at the lives of Ouseppachan and Joseachan. Before their dreams were fulfilled, they left their lives here. I could not say any parting words to Ouseppachan. It was all sudden.I could not visit him as the driver was unavailable at that time.I have to remmebr them in my prayers.That is all I can do.I just have to say the prayers, continuously. The Lord is my help and strength.
Lord, be with me.Be my strength and hope.I shall not feel any diffidence. Today, in the Gospels, I read the words of Jesus asking the disciples to be like children since they were discussing who was the greatest among them.
Lord, take away all those feelings  from me.Make me accept my present status in life and help me to do whatever that is needed to deepen my faith.I see how transient life is.What is important is to remain close to Jesus.Lord, have mercy on me.
I offer everything to the Lord.
No one to talk to and there is  no one who would understand what I  have to share. Of course,It is time for all to pass away.What I should be doing is to prepare myself for the coming life.Accept it when it comes.Make myself pure before God.I have to depend on the mercy and the kindness of God.
O Lord, I have no idea how it happened that I was running away from you in spite of all that you gave me.Henry Nouwen's words gave the right advice that I was looking for.I should never doubt the unlimited forgiveness and mercy of the Lord.
Thank you Lord, for your kindness.
Monday,June 24

Graded a few of the papers that the students wrote.The Canteen is off for a week.When I went to the pantry, there were no meals.

June 25,Tuesday
Tonight the sisters will be given an official farewell.I will be staying at the Mount as tomorrow there is a mass for Fr. Chiramel.
The sisters were very helpful and kind.They took care of the priests very well. Sr. Kochurani, the mother, was  helpful to all.God bless them. I thought of buying crosses and rosaries for them but I did not get time for it.
I have to find joy and peace in my life by spending  my time in prayers.Jesus is everything for me.I  don't have to look for peace anywhere else.Today, in the Gospel of Mathew, I read about the words of Jesus in Mt.18 on divorce and remarriage.The Lord is very definitive on the unity of marriage.The Gospel also mentions the blessing of the children by Jesus. 
Jesus, bless me and keep me under your protection.
I was just reading a few passages from the book on prayers of Rahner. His section on the last words of Jesus, especially the words, everything is finished, is very inspiring. I have used them w r to Chakochan Vanayamparampil's life at his memorial mass, earlier, without being aware of the interpretation of Rahner. What we can say at the end of our life is the same: Everything is finished.It does not mean that we are perfect but that the time is over and that we need the mercy and forgiveness of the Lord.Nothing else can be done on our part.We had our sins and failures.Our weaknesses did not allow us to overcome our failures.We succumbed to them.Only God's mercy can save us.We have to depend on him. Rahner also expatiates on the words of Jesus to His mother by telling Jesus to hand us  over to His mother.She is our powerful intercessor.As she was  with Jesus at all the moments of His life, she should be with us.She walked all the way from Nazareth to Jerusalem , stayed where he stayed, and was present at all the important moments of His life .She never intruded upon His life.She was present at the foot of the cross.She absorbed everything.Later , she was with the Apostles in the Upper Room, spending days in prayer.
O, Mother , have mercy on me.Even after I have reached this period of my life which is the most that one can reach in life, I have the same weaknesses and failures that I had in my younger years.Have mercy on me.Pray for me and walk beside me.
I just spent a couple of hours in the room ,taking lunch, having a nap and watching TV. But, now I am at the office. Since I cannot read books because of the small letters, I have to spend my time somehow.
I have to reflect on the Gospels and the psalms and note down my reflections.I can use my time in that way.
3.30p.m.--
George Paul came and told me about the official inauguration of the academic year on July 1st with a mass at 8am.I told him that I would have a cataract treatment on June 29 but  I would have get some other priest for the mass.
Lord, help me to praise and adore you.You are the joy of my life. I have to pray and be close to you.
Tomorrow, the  mass will be offered for Fr.Jose Chiramel.Can't believe that he  is no more with us.He is with the Eternal Father, with Jesus and Mary.Lord keep him beside you.Have mercy on us who are here , sinful and sorrowful  and forgive my sins.
Happy news for the Cardinal.God bless him.The prayers have been heard.He is going to be reinstated.
Tomorrow, I am going to meet the doctor with the blessing sof the Lord.
June 26-Wednesday
The mass for Fr.Jose Chiramel was over. Took part in the con-celebration. The family was here. Met all of them. Roy Chacko and Renjan Chacko were here. Renjan spoke in his speech about  Fr.Chiramel's references to me.
Will be going to Xime and will go  to the doctor's from there.
Went in the afternoon to Garidhar with Johnachan.
Almost two hours.Decided to have the laser treatment ,coming to more than  Rs.80,000 .
Next two days, drops of medicine on the left eye.
June 27-Thursday
Read the news in Chy diocese What is app about the passing away of Fr.Koottummel. He always looked healthy.How soon everything is over with him.We joined the seminary together and  he was our assistant parish priest when I was a seminarian.He was at Thathampally when Achayan passed away.So, he might have been at Thathampally at my first mass.God bless him.Did not have a chance to talk to him recently.Funeral is on Friday at 9.30 am at Nazreth.
In today's Gospel ,Mat 29, I read Jesus's entry to Jerusalem and of cleansing the Temple.I have to allow myself to be touched by Jesus and be cleansed by him.Narrow-mindedness fills my mind.I have to cleanse myself by asking the pardon of the Lord.I have to depend on him totally and sing always Hosanna , welcoming him every moment in my life.Without the presence of Jesus, I won't have any joy and peace in my life.
From  8 am today on wards , I have to take the drops for my eyes every four hours.
God grant eternal rest to Fr.Koottummel.

Visit to the USA,2019

Thank you-6

August-2,Friday

Lord, thank you for this day.Let me use this day in praising you.

I don't have to think of achieving anything specially.

What is needed is to remain in the Lord, praising him. The peace in my heart comes from my being united with the Lord. The Gospels and the psalms are enough to give me joy and peace of mind.

O,Jesus , bless me.Thank you again.

Today in the Gospel of Luke, I  read the part where Jesus sends the 72 disciples for preaching.What is emphasized is the duty of preaching.Never to think of any conveniences or appurtenances.The Lord will provide everything that is needed.We are asked to focus on  the teachings of the Lord.

I did not do any reading today.

I will spend the time in devoting myself to you ,Lord.There will be only You in my life.As the Imitation of Christ says, once we have Jesus , we don't have to worry about anything.

Pity, there is nothing for me to do!Well, whatever I have done is enough.

In Holy Father's book on God is Mercy, there is an important passage that is relevant to my thoughts on sinfulness:

“Recognizing oneself as a sinner is a grace.It is a grace that is granted to you.Recognizing oneself as a sinner is something else. It means standing in front of God who is our everything,and presenting him with our selves which are nothing,our  miseries, our sins.(p.45)

 “The Church fathers teach us that a shattered heart is the most pleasing gift to God.It is the sign that we are conscious of our sins,of the evil we have done,of our wretchedness, and of our need for forgiveness and mercy.(p.44)

Only he who has been touched and caressed by the tenderness of his mercy really knows the Lord.For this reason I have often said that the place where my encounter with the mercy of Jesus takes place is my sin.(p.48)

A priest needs to think of his own sins, to listen with tenderness, to pray to the Lord for a heart as merciful as his, and not to cast the first stone because he too is a sinner who needs to be forgiven.(p.61)

The most important thing in the life of every man and every woman is not that they should never fall along the way.The important thing is always  to get back up,not to stay on the ground licking your wounds.

The Lord of Mercy always forgives me; he always offers me the possibility of starting over.He loves me for what I am. He wants to raise me up and he extends his hand to me.

One of the tasks of the Church: to help people perceive that there are no situations that they cannot get out of.For as long as we are alive it is always possible to start over, all we have to do is let Jesus embrace us and forgive us.(p.82)

God forgives everyone, he offers new possibilities to everyone, he showers his mercy on every one who asks for it.We are the ones who do not know how to forgive.p.112

Family—the place where we learn to get up after a fall

Family is the hospital close to us when someone is sick, he is cared for there.

Family is the first school for the children

Family is the best home for the elderly

The first school of mercy  where we are forgiven and learned  to forgive. (p.123)

August 3,Saturday

I am at Mt .St.Thomas.Spent some time in the Chapel , thanking the Lord for his blessings and asking him to bless my family and  friends.

I have just begun reading  Sheen's “Lift up Your Heart” to get some inspiring thoughts.

Sheen has the following to say about the building of character.

“Everyone in the world is defeated in one area of life or another....we all have to accept failure;we do not have to lament it.

No false optimism...the Christian has never expected the earth to be his paradise.

The first step in character training is to discover what is worst in us.

The blessedness of temptations is twofold.It reveals the weak spot in our character and the same temptation gives us an occasion by refusing to submit to it.

Earth does not reveal its harvest without plowing,nor the the minds their treasure without study, nor nature its secret without investigation.

The defect may become our greatest strength. p.125

The greatest sinners sometimes make the greatest saints...

The convents and monasteries are full of potential devils---saintly souls who could have been very wicked men and women, if they had not corresponded to God's grace. p.125

Moses was hot tempered but he became meek.

Two attitudes are possible in sin—we can fall down and get up; or we can fall down and stay there.

Should be positive—cultivation of virtues, more than the eradication...

Whoever is charged with character formation will do well to lay hold of what is best in people,searching for the gold and not the dross.There is some good in everybody.

In dealing with ourselves , we should look for what is worst and make it with God's grace, the occasion of spiritual growth.But in dealing with others, we should look for what is best, in order that,as we show mercy to others,God may show the grace of His mercy to us.p.133

August 4,Sunday

Went to Kanjrappally for Tomy's sister , Sr.Vimala's golden jubilee.I was given the role of the main celebrant. Karichan sang for the mass. Fr.Johny Puthiaparampil (Kattapana) was one of the con celebrants. At the congratulatory meeting after the mass, I was given the chance to make a short speech.Spoke about the article of Sr.Libby Osgood's decision to become a nun after giving up her job at the NASA as well as at the University where she was working after taking a Ph.D. in Mechanical engineering.Also went to Karikattuparmpil house and met their mother.The trip went OK.

Saw the movie on St.Peter on You Tube.The movie was good...graphic.Nero condemning Peter to be crucified.

Lord, have mercy on me.Increase my faith and let me feel totally dependent on you.You are the joy of my life.

August 5,Monday

Read Mathew Ch.7 which is to be read more often.So soothing and consoling.It speaks about the changes that should be made in our lives.Never judge.Be kind in our opinions of others.Remove selfishness from our life.Ask the Lord for everything that is needed in our life.God is our kind Father and he will give us whatever we ask for.Knock , it will opened.Seek, it will be found.Those who listen to him are people who built their house on the rock.A tree is known by its fruit.Good trees make good fruit.

O Lord, have mercy on me.Help me to become a dear follower of yours.Never do I have to feel diffident.There is more to be done.More reading and writing are needed.
Jesus is my strength and in him I should find my happiness and joy.Today, I will write more notes and use my time well.

Lord,thank you.

The Eighth Habit: Stephen Covey

Inspire others to find their voice.

Remember, anytime your emotional life is a function of someone else's weaknesses, you dis-empower yourself and empower those weaknesses to mess your life up.

When we see people separately from their behavior, we affirm their unconditional worth.

Leadership is the capacity to translate vision into reality—Warren Bennis

Only the disciplined are free; the undisciplined are slaves to moods.

Family Life.

Speaks of his wife's “abundance mentality” that allows him to spend time with his mother and others.

According to him, the most important work you do in the world will be within the walls of your home.” “No other success can compensate for failure in the home.”

“Parenthood is the most important leadership responsibility in life and will provide the greatest levels of happiness and joy.

When true leadership—vision,discipline,passion and conscience—is not manifested in parenthood, it will provide the greatest source of sorrow.”

Burke: “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”

Because we all make mistakes, we all need to forgive and be forgiven.

Affirm people .Affirm your children.believe in them,not in what you see but in what you don't see—their potential.

Lord, thank you for these ideas.Help me to reflect on them and put them into practice. I will continue writing and reflecting in order to bear witness to you.

The news has come on TV that the Central Govt has abolished the special place given to Kashmir.The RS passed it.They got the advantage of a split opposition in the RS.

If the judiciary does not become strong, there is no way for people holding different ideologies from BJP will get any help.

Aug.7,Wednesday

Lord, thank you for your blessings.I will reflect your love and mercy.I am a sinner but I am alive because of your forgiveness.

From today on wards, I will reflect on the psalms one by one.

Walter Kasper's book,'A Celebration of Priestly Ministry” has some meaningful comments on the Eucharist.

“Eucharist—the center and summit of the life of the post-Easter Church.The celebration of t he Eucharist will renew in each priest his strength , his courage  and his joy.

There is no repetition of the Sacrifice on the Cross in the Eucharist.

That which was done once and for all on the cross becomes really present here and now.(P.154)

The priest ought to live and do what he says, and to be what he does.He ought to live the Eucharist not only to celebrate it.And he ought to live it in solidarity with all those in his parish and in the whole world who are burdened down and bear the cross.( P.159)

Theologically speaking,it is obvious that the celebration of the Eucharist is the heart and center of the priest's existence, since all his other tasks  either lead up to the mass or are derived from it.

The celebration of the Eucharist is not only a goal and center; it is also a point of departure, the source of the power to carry out our mission.

Eucharistic communion must teach us a culture of sharing, of solidarity, and of fraternity.The celebration of the Eucharist must be a school of love of our neighbor.

The Eucharist must be the center and the source of meaning in our lives. p.161.

Lord, thank you for this teaching on the Eucharist.I have to begin my daily life from the Eucharist and to see everything that I experience daily in my life through the Eucharistic love of Jesus which consists in self-giving through love.Lord, change my heart and help me to feel one with you.

I am weak and helpless.You alone can empower me and give me the spiritual strength to overcome it s power.

Today I will start reflecting on the psalms.That will be my way of keeping myself unified with you.Whatever may be my occupations or travels, I will spend my time with you.

Psalm 150

Praise the Lord.Praise God in his sanctuary

Praise him in his mighty heavens

Praise him for his mighty deeds

The entire psalm is a request to praise the Lord.We should repeat the psalm or at least its  ideas,praising the Lord.Once we open our hearts and minds in praising God, we experience a sort of spiritual calm breeze blowing gently over our mind and heart , giving us peace.Yes, in times when our hearts are troubled, we have to sing this psalm until the tempests in our heart become calmed down.Lord, I praise and thank you.Be with me all the time.

Aug.8,Thursday

I read Mathew ch.13 where Jesus is seen healing a crippled man and asking him to stretch out his hand.I have to ask the Lord to heal me and stretch out the broken parts of my life.My sins have broken my body and I need the working of the Lord in my life.Be with me Jesus.Transform me.You are the joy of my life.I believe in you and trust in you.Be with me. Yesterday I shared a saying of Isaiah on my face book page:

“When you pass through the waters,I will be with you;and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;when you walk through fire, you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. Is.43 :2

“Above all keep loving one another earnestly,since love covers a multitude of sins. “1 Pt 4:8

Psalm.149

Praise the Lord!

Sing to the Lord a new song,

his praise in the assembly of the godly...

let them praise his name with dancing

making melody to him with tambourine and lyre..

This psalm revels in praising the Lord.There is an unabashed joy in offering praise to the Lord.Praising and the thanking the Lord are the best ways in keeping in touch with the Lord.When we praise the Lord, our hearts become lighter and free from selfishness and arrogance.Our hearts become filled with joy and the power of evil forces becomes defeated.

Lord, lift my heart and help me to thank and praise you.

Today Mr. Santosh gave a class on how to prepare an outcome based course preparation.We have to be clear and specific in what we are going to do with the course.It should be generic and action oriented.The purpose of the course is to make the students  become thoroughly conversant with the subject.

He also discussed the Bloom methodology.

Aug 9,Friday

It has been raining all night.There should be the possibility of many regions of Kerala getting submerged under water,Flooding and destruction of property  are possible.Lord, save everyone from mortal dangers.

This morning, I read  Mt ch.13 where Jesus speaks in parables—the parables of the sower, weeds,mustard seed, leaven, hidden treasure in a field highlighting the importance of the the kingdom of God and the need to keep and preserve it.Lord,give me the grace to be a person who lives for the kingdom of God and help me to preserve it.

Aug.10,Saturday

It was raining last night.Things might be  difficult for many people.So many might have lost their homes.

Praying is the most important thing that I can do.Lord, bless me.

I was searching for the Latin version of “ you are dust and unto dust you will return” :—Gen.3:19; Ecc.3:20

“Pulvis es et in pulverem reverteris.”

Peacock—symbol used in old Venice-it represents eternity.

Christianity adopted it as a symbol of eternity, immortality, resurrection.

It was believed in Gk legends that the flesh of peacock would not decay after its death.

Psalm 148

Praise the Lord!

Praise the Lord from the heavens;

praise him in the heights!

Praise him all his angels;Praise him all his hosts

praise him sun and moon

This psalm asks every being or thing to praise the Lord.It is a loud  and joyous celebration of the name of the Lord for his protection .In moments of loneliness and sorrow, the singing of the psalm will soothe the pain in our hearts.When we raise our hearts to the Lord in gratitude, we become filled with peace and calmness in our hearts.

We praise you ,Lord.We adore you.

Bloom's taxonomy of knowledge , of measuring the level of teaching.Six categories.

RUA2EC

Remembering,Understanding,Applying,Analyzing,Evaluating and Creating.

I did not do much today.Just spent time here doing little things.Have not done any serious reading.

Aug.11 Sunday

O Lord, thank you for this day.Kerala is roiling in the aftermath of the flood.So many have lost their lives or their property, house or members of their families.Lord, have mercy on them.

Ps.147 (He  heals the broken-hearted)

Praise the Lord. Praising .For it is good to sing praises to our God

for it is pleasant, and a song of praise is fitting.

The Lord builds up Jerusalem

He gathers the outcasts of Israel,He heals the broken- hearted

and binds up their wounds.

The Lord lifts up the humble;he casts the wicked to the ground.

Again in this psalm we hear a magnificent outburst of God's praises.God protects all and supplies them with the bounties of nature.He prerserves the Universe with all its gifts for the sake of man and hence wants all to praise the Lord for his gifts.

Aug13,Tuesday

The rains stopped for the time being.A lot of lives were lost and property was destroyed.People are living in temporary shelters.It is a great tragedy.It is people who live in the High Ranges and hills that lost their lives.People have to be moved from those places.

Today,I will use my time in praising the Lord.If I feel sleepy during day time, I will go to my room  and spend my time in prayers or saying the mass.I have to be firmly rooted in my faith and love of Jesus.In times, I feel diffident, I have to raise my hearts in prayer and repeat the name of Jesus.

I am now alone. My Jesus is with me; that is my consolation.

Last night ,Tom came with his wife, Leena, to invite me for the wedding at Chy.

Lord, I offer myself to you.I don't have to look for anybody's help.I have to stick with Jesus and do everything to spread his love and compassion.My mind should be free of all vain thoughts.

Aug.14,Wednesday

Today, I held the first class for the senior students for a batch of 14 students.They were very receptive.They are more concerned with pronunciation,accent, intonation etc. I have to prepare myself for it.Otherwise, I have not done much personal reading. I have to do some reading again.It was easy for me speaking about correct grammar and skills of communication. But here  there should be more detailed descriptions.

 Psalm 146—Put not your trust in princes

This psalm urges one not to put one's trust in men but in God. Men die and return to the earth.God is everlasting.He takes care of the poor and the lowly and hence we are asked to put our trust in the Lord.”Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob,whose hope is in the Lord his God, who made heaven and earth ...who keeps faith forever.” I have to put my trust in the Lord and live in the shadow of his love and protection.I have to feel confident and happy.I should not allow diffident feelings to take over me.

Lord, thank you for your love and compassion.

 

The Passing away of Prof.K.K.John

It was with great sadness that I received the news of the passing away of Prof.K.K.John.Tony, his son, called me a few days ago about his admission in the Pushpagiri hospital. I thought he would get over the crisis and would spring back into life. But it was not to be.We lost a great teacher who was always ready to come to the assistance of any one. He was a very talented teacher of physics and was very passionate and eloquent in his classes. I cannot forget his cheerful and welcoming face.  He was always very respectful and courteous. He  was not only a powerful presence in the campus but also was the same outside the campus.Was very helpful to the Cathedral as well as to the Archdiocese.Always found time for public service.May God grant him eternal rest.
I was there at the funeral and gave the homily at the request of the family. It gave me an occasion to offer my personal homage to him.

Thank you-15

Dec.17

Tomorrow is the anniversary of my ordination. I will go to the Mount in the morning to say the mass in the chapel and come home for lunch. All the members of the family would be coming for lunch.

A time to thank the Lord for his blessings. I have to remember all the members of my family in my mass tomorrow. So too I have to remember all my friends and relatives who passed away. I too will be joining them one day. Time is running out for me. Some of my friends who were ordained with me have already left their abode here for heaven. My time too will come soon. I have to prepare myself for my eternal life.My confidence comes from the words of the Lord that he would not abandon anyone who acknowledges him. Also, he has told several times to forgive one another without any limits. That means He will also forgive us. Our sins are laid at his feet to be washed by him. Sheen has written once that once we have confessed and received forgiveness, we should not get worried about our sins. Jesus has already forgiven us.

Lord, thank you for everything you have given me.I can read and write and still use my talents and resources in praising and adoring you.

Dec.18, Wednesday

I had a call from Fr.Vincent about having a common lunch today at the Mount. Since I have already made arrangements for the family to come for lunch, he changed the plan and asked me to come at 10.30 am. I agreed and reached thereby 10.15 am. All gathered for a coffee break and we had a common cake cutting ceremony. Curia Bp offered greetings. After that, I went up to say mass and then returned by 12 noon. When I reached home, all were there. Liju and the children were also there.It was a good gathering.

Thank you Lord for this day .I have to be more prayerful and holy.Fr.Alumparampil called to offer his greetings. Fr.Kottaram called and we spoke for a few minutes.

One more anniversary is over.

Dec.19,Thursday

The 52^nd anniversary is over.God has given me a new year to renew myself, to imbibe the spirit of the Gospel totally into my life.This will be an opportunity to say my masses with great devotion and attention.There should be no occasion for getting angry with people or show my irritation.

Today in the Gospel, the passage that I read was about Jesus curing the illness of Peter's mother-in-law and of the leper.The Leper tells Jesus to heal him and Jesus lays his hand over him and cures him.I should ask the Lord everyday to lay his hand over me and to heal me.

Lord, I place myself totally before you.Be with me all the time.Be my strength. Transform me. Heal me.

Lord, all the friends you gave me are all with you.there is nobody with whom I can talk and discuss my views on persons and things.I offer that loneliness to you.The loss of A was a terrible loss.She was my English teacher too!I am also reaching the end of my tether.I have to find my solace and comfort in the Lord.

On friday,Dec.20th—went to Anakara via Kumily to say an office for the dead for Sr.Mercykutty's mother who passed away two days ago.It was a tiring jouney but we made it and returned that night itself , reaching Ekm around 3 am!

Sunday Dec.22—Staying at home and spent time watching the news.

Dec.23,Monday

I am at the Mount , watching the news of the election results of Jharkhand.BJP is losing and the Congress alliance is winning.The hubris of BJP is smashed.For a week, huge demonstrations against the Bill on citizenship have been going on and they challenged the pride and boastfulness of BJP. They were trying to attain their ideological ends by hook or by  crook.

I just sent through Biju cakes for the members of my family here in EKM.I have not done anything like that recently.These are the days when I should be praying more.Nothing else is important.for me, all positions and promotions are no more important.Jesus alone is enough.

Today, in my meditation on the Gospel, I read the passage on the healing of the centurion's slave and sending a message to John the Baptist: Jesus is healing and comforting all.I have to attach myself to Jesus .He is my strength.I have to be silent,private and unobtrusive.I have to do gracefully whatever I have to do in life.

Thank you Lord for your love

Dec.25,Wednesday

Christmas.Said mass at the Mount on Dec.24^th at 11am.They wanted me to be the main celebrant. Fr. Kavilpurayidom sang for the mass.I gave the homily.Brief.The sisters expressed their appreciation of the homily.Thank you Lord for giving me the blessings to give a good and short homily.My main points:

Greatest love story, Jn 3,16.Emmanuel.Chesterton's words: those who are on the top of the hill see everything as small while for for those in the valleys, everything is big. Appreicate all. Havard Prof.'s words—not the money but the enrichment of the lives of the people who live with us.BBC news reporter visiting the Santa at his house in Finland, asking for his message.His reply : Be nice to people at least for a day.

As a whole everything went well.Thank you Lord, for this opportunity.

Came home.Had a nice lunch. Biji and the children are here.

Lord, thank you for this day to remember your birth and life.By the grace of God, everything went smoothly.I felt happy in having got the chance to say the mass and to give the homily.God helped me to have a good voice while giving the homily.

In the morning for the breakfast , all were seated close by.

Prof.Philip called this evening and asked whether it would be possible to have a meeting at 10 am on Dec.27^th.

Dec.26,Thursday

Did not do much.Started reading the book on the missionary work in NY. At the Mount now.I have to depend totally on Jesus.

Dec.27,Friday

Lord, thank you for this day.Read the Gospel Lk Ch.7 on love and forgiveness.The woman anointing the feet of Jesus with her tears and perfume , receiving the forgiveness of Jesus.That incident is enough to feel peace in one's heart.Whatever my be our sins, our tears of repentance will be accepted by Jesus and our sins, our failures, our lapses will be forgiven.Lord, thank you for your blessings.I should not think of my sins and imperfections any more.I have to think in what way I can spread the love of Jesus and be a good person.

Today, -- will be going to the Xime and may go to the Mount for lunch.

Spent the day at the Xime.Had a meeting with Prof.Philip at 10 am.It was a discussion on the starting of the coaching centre.I told him to appoint Abraham Kurien with a good remuneration . Was reluctant to commit himself to the offer I suggested saying that it is too high.

Introduced the topic of administrative changes.He and Kuncheria are firm on their

decision saying that it is the right of the management.They did not realize the harm that they had inflicted on the present staff.

Well, let it go as they have decided.They have fallen under the influence of VOS who has convinced them of his influence in Trichur Archdiocese!

Dec. 28^th,Saturday

Did begin writing on Cardinal Newman.Met the Cardinal at lunch.His trip to Calcutta went OK.Planted the lemon sapling.

Had a talk with K.A. Georgekutty.

Dec.31, Tuesday.

It is now 8.30.p.m.The end of the year and within a couple of hours , all will be getting ready for the New Year.I was at XIME the whole day and went to the Mount after 4p.m. I could not meet any of the fathers.All have left for different functions.Spent some time in the chapel, thanking the Lord for the blessings given to me.Lost some of my good friends—Prof.KTS, Fr.Thurthumaly, Fr.Kazhukachaly and Fr.Jose Chiramel.The loss is very deep.They were the people with whom I did engage in conversations. Kazhukachaly used to call me every other week.If I did not hear from  him, I would give him a call.All those contacts were gone.Last year's losses were also very severe.Loss of Fr.Mepreth and A. A was a great pillar of support with whom I could share everything , my ups and downs  in  life.She is gone for ever.Never will I get anyone replacing her.All my thoughts now remain with me.I now think more of Josy too.She was also a person I could share some of my thoughts. Only memories and mental pictures remain with me.They constantly come to my mind.God bless them and give them His eternal joy.I am sure the Lord will bless all those who believe in him.That is what He has said in the Gospel.Our sins and failures would be forgiven.Our faith is the most important thing in life.Jesus himself has said: the one who has not committed a sin may throw the first stone.That shows that everyone is a sinner.So we know that Jesus will forgive our sins.Lord have mercy on me and forgive my sins.

Jan.1,Wednesday,2020.New Year

Lord, thank you for giving me the opportunity to experience this New Year.Let me be useful to you.Let me be your instrument to carry your love and compassion.When I convey the compassion and mercy of Jesus, I am also healed.God's mercy flowing through me will wipe away all the stains of my sins.Why should I feel ashamed of my sins? I am an ordinary ,frail human being , liable always to weaknesses and failures.I have to depend on Jesus for my strength and happiness.That is why he told us to be attached to him like a branch to the vine plant.My strength comes from him.The sap of his grace flowing through me does give me life.O Lord, allow your life to flow through me.

Today in the Gospel, read about the multiplication of the loaves in
Ch.9 of Lk.In my life, I have to  multiply the gifts God has given me.My daily life should be a series of occasions of multiplying the mercy and compassion of Jesus.

Today, will be going to Xime and in the evening will go to the Mount.

2.30p.m.

I said mass at Xime and prayed to the Lord for his grace to guide me through the year.

All the ministerial staff came and wished me a happy new year.

Called Alumparampil,Kottaram and Joychan and wished them a happy new year. It looks like it would be difficult to leave at night after the meeting on IAS training because of the Moslem rallies at Marine Drive.I may have to stay here for the night as there is a meeting tomorrow at 9 am for the staff of St.Thomas College. I have to be present for the meeting and then will leave around lunch time for the Mount.

8pm

I am staying at my room at XIME. The discussion was good.Since I contacted Abraham Kurian about his willingness to take up the assignment,it dispelled their anxiety with regard to his willingness to take up the post.I was thus more involved in the discussions.Dr.E.M.Thomas' presence was also very helpful. They brought dinner.

Thank you Lord for your blessings. Bp.Tony was also present.

Jan.3,Friday

Yesterday, gave the inaugural speech for St.Thomas staff meeting. They appear to be a very docile staff.

Abp.Andrews Thazhath came in the afternoon. Attended the talk by Sebastian VO.He was giving a nice talk on salesmanship—clear and articulate.

Prof.Philip wanted the resume of EM Thomas.Got it from him and gave it to Dima to give to the President.

Biju  went and  got the fast tag from the Federal Bank.Gave Rs 600.He took Rs.100 for petrol, gave them 400. They have a commission for 200.I deposited later Rs.500 from my Credit card to their Fast tag Recharge Account.

The meeting continues today. They have a priests' meeting today.I may stay there for the night.

Meditation on Transfiguration.I have to pray hard for s spiritual transfiguration in my life.Lord, I offer this new year for you.Make me an instrument of your love.Help me to deepen my repentance and my love for you.

Thanks 14

Dec.1

Today is the beginning of Advent. Jogy left for the US. Said mass at the chapel as Davis came to give me the ride. I have one more class tomorrow and will have to send the question paper. Tomorrow evening, they have the Christmas celebration and there will be a mass on Dec.3.

Biju was given the salary of Rs.14,000 yesterday. Second time a reduction of Rs.1000 was made.Three more reductions remain.

Tomorrow I will ask them to make speeches on two topics—Violence against women and the failure of Indian economy—Preventive measures. I have to make two teams. Make a list of students who have to speak.Give them topics at the beginning of the class. Three in each group.

Lord, help me to grow in my love for you.Let these twenty five days be the time to prepare myself to grow close to you. I will read a chapter or two from Isaiah every day. Make a prayer out of it.

Read Isaiah 25---It is a praise of the Lord .It offers Him full-throated praise and worship, thanking the Lord for the protection given to mankind.

Read two chas and will spend my days during this Advent reading the BK of Is.Dec.3,Tuesday

I said mass at XIME at 8am as today is St.Francis Day,The second day of Gregorian. I left here at 7.15 am and reached there around 7.45am.All the faculty and Dr.Nandagopal were there for the mass.Thank you Lord for giving me the voice to say the mass. After that, there was a common breakfast.Today ,I had nothing special as the classes were over.I was free but I used the time to grade the assignments.Tomorrow, I will finish them.I will spend more time in reading and praying.Sent a draft of the convocation address to the Curia Bp and he can use the whole or parts of it.Thank you Jesus for the time given to me today.

In the morning,I yawn a lot and feel sleepy.Hence I cannot read much. It is still unbelievable that A is not here.She has often spoken about her life after death and meeting the Lord.Now, she is there.All those who were in my life in one way or another are in heaven now.I have to live in expectation of this heavenly life and live a life worthy of that.I firmly believe on the words of Jesus that he would not abandon me.

Nov.5,Thursday

Yesterday, I emailed the grades of their assignment to Sema.She may enter them.

I will spend some time in reading the history of the Church.

I read this morning,Jn cha.4, the conversation between Jesus and Samaritan woman.Jesus offers living water to her.He offers the same to me too.I have to draw the living water from Him.God be merciful to me.

Nov.6.Friday

I am at the Mount.Did not do anything. Said mass.That is enough for me.Read a few pages from the History of Catholic Church on the Crusades

MABP was elected the President of KCBC.It is a good change.He will have something to do or say on a wider platform.Offered my congratulations to the Cardinal.I was in the chapel when the Cardinal was welcomed at the reception at the Mount.I did not know that he had come.

It is now midnight and I am in my room.I will sit here and read until sleep comes.I won't waste my time.The Lord has been so good to me.I will cooperate with all in the various activities at the Mount as well as at XIME.

Mathaichan mentioned that they had cancelled the marriage proposal on account of the non-cooperation of the family.Let it go.Pray and look for someone else.God bless them.

Nov.7,Saturday

Went to the Mount.Just typed out the welcome speech read a few pages from the History of the Church dealing with Albigensian heresy. Inquisitions and deaths on account of the heresy.12^th and 13^th centuries were the years of great turmoil.The Crusades from Europe to free the Holy Land.Thousands of people left for Europe but a lot of them lost their lives.The Moslem rulers also killed thousands of local Christians.What a tragedy! Thousands of people have lost their lives.

Dec.8,Sunday

Today is the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. Parel Church Feast. Said mass at the chapel here.Thank you Lord for the time given.I will spend it for you.

Read the link of the book Organizational Behavior by Robbins sent by Jojo on Dec. 2.Went through the first chapter.I will read a few more pages tomorrow.Will carry the I pad along with me.The Lord has given me the time to read and absorb new ideas.These will come handy in preparing myself better for preaching the Scriptures.

Fr.Karukakalm passed away.The viewing of his body at the priests' home on Tuesday at 4p.m.Most probably, I will go for viewing.He was good to me while he was at Thathampally.God bless him.The only way I can show my solidarity is by attending the funeral or viewing.Nothing else is possible.My opportunities are very limited and I have no more any public role.But I should not withdraw from the scene .I have to use all my resources to proclaim the Word. God has given me so many blessings: my education, my job as the Principal and as the VG.I should be using all these.I cannot just slink away.Who has got a Ph.D. in English from the US here?Very few.So I should use all these gifts for Jesus.

I still cannot accept the fact that A has passed away.What a gift she was.Very encouraging and inspiring.Taking care that I have the best of everything.Always bought the best clothes for me.With what a great hope that she went to live with D!When they expressed the difficulty of installing hot water pipes in her room, I suggested that she should move into a senior residential place.After a few weeks of my arrival , I got the sad news of her passing away.She did not get the love that she gave to her mother.That is God's will.Nothing can be said against that.It was time for her to leave.So also, I lost J.She used to argue and quarrel.But she lost her health and memory.Could not speak well and was confined to a hospital. Remember visiting her a few days before her fall, after celebrating my birthday at St.Pat with the Indian food brought by Chakochan. I went there because of a dinner appointment that was promised before the surprise party. God bless her.

Dec.9,Monday

I have to do some reading today.Have to remain strong in nurturing my faith.This evening is the monthly reflection and also the celebration of the feast of the sisters.I will stay there and take medicine with me.Will not go for the funeral as it will be very tiresome.Let me pray over it.I will spend time before the Lord.Thank you ,Jesus.

Dec.12,Thursday

Yesterday,went to the Mount when I got a call from the Cardinal and spent the whole day there.The good thing was that I could correct the circular as well as the speech for him for the Calcutta meeting.Got the computer inverter replaced by Toshy.It is working well.That is good news.Today will go to XIME although another big ecumenical meeting is taking place at the Mount today.

Went to Xime and spent the whole day.

Fr.Tomy came round 2p.m. I spent sometime with him.Then, I was invited for a meeting with them and Prof.Philip ,Cyriac nd VO Sebastian.Later, I was invited again for a meeting on the IAS training and for tomorrow's meeting.This is the first time I heard them especially Sri Cyriac telling that they are not fully using my talents.It made me happy that they were acknowledging my presence. God has a moment for everyone.

Went to the Mount in the evening and could meet Abp.Perumthottam. Congratulated him on the steps taken and urged him to move forward with confidence.I could do that much at least.

Dec.13,Friday.

Came to Xime around 6.30 am as Biju had to go to the airport to pick Liju.Went to my room there.Said mass.The Breakfast was brought around 7.30 am.Came back to my room. Sudeep came to repair the printer and hence I could take a print out of the speech. Went to room 120 for inauguration. Gave the welcome speech—narrated two experiences—one my homily preparation at Notre Dame Uty and then, the PG board of studies.I think I gave a good speech—also giving credit to PCC,Prof.Philip and Dr.Alexander.

One Vigi Parakal and his wife(Sidney,Australia) came to visit at 2pm .Before that , Joychan and Bobby came round noon. Sri Abraham Kurian reached around 2.30.

Will do some corrections.It is now 4p.m.There is a meeting at 6pm on IAS/Competitive Exam training.

Thank you ,Lord , for your blessing and for giving me the ideas for a welcome speech. I have to do more work and offer it to the Lord.

Dec.14,Saturday.

Today is the conclusion of the teachers' meeting of St.Thomas college.They look like a satisfied and contented group of teachers.Young and talented.

Had a meeting last night for the IAS coaching centre. Christi Fernandez gave a long intervention on the feasibility of starting an IAS coaching c.One James Mattom of Chanakya franchise offered his suggestions. Still, the question of starting the centre remains unsolved. They need more time for thinking.

Abraham Kurian read out the portions of the questions---highly loaded and pro-RSS.

Thank you Lord for your blessings.

11am—I am here at Xime.Met Prof.Michael Tharakan and Mar Tony Neelankavil who is here for the morning session.Prof.Tharakan mentioned one Prof.Francis of St.Thomas as a great historian and about the fine training they received at UC college. Tharakan recognized me when he saw me.

Abrham Kurian was seen off when I came down after the inaugural ceremony.

Will spend time here and grade the papers.

Dec.15 Sunday

Will send a reply to Pius.I got a Christmas card from Pius. That was a generous gesture on his part.I will mail a letter to him tomorrow. God bless him.I have the answer books to grade. I will start doing it from this evening onwards. Lord, purify my heart. Help me to be totally attached to you.

Today in the reading from the Bible, I came across the passage where Jesus was calling Mathew to follow him.this is a call for me too. I will have to follow him totally and wholeheartedly in my life. Nothing should distract me.

St.Thomas teachers left after the sessions. I did not see them.I left around 5p.m.They seemed to be satisfied and contented.

SB is passing through a rough time. It is all due to bad appointments to management positions.

Dec.16^th, Monday

Christmas is just around the corner. Next week falls the most beautiful day of the year. I will be spending the eve at Mount St.Thomas.I have to reflect deeply on the meaning of Christmas personally for me. In the morning meditation on the Gospel passage, I find Jesus healing the leper and giving him health and happiness even though it was a Sabbath.

My Jesus, you never ask for any explanations or blame the person for his lapses or sins in life. You just give whatever the person wants. Your overwhelming generosity is transforming and changes the personality of the person. Thank you, Lord, for your compassion and mercy. Forgive me .Reach out to me. Place your loving hand on me and transform me.