As I reach the twilight of my life, I find myself reflecting on my 56 years as a priest. Throughout this journey, I have never doubted my calling. My love for Jesus deeply influenced my decision to pursue the priesthood, as it allowed me to be close to Him and feel His presence in my life.
When it came time to choose between joining the Jesuit order—whose priests
had been my teachers in high school—and the diocesan priesthood, I was drawn to
the flexibility and freedom that the latter provided. The influence of
Archbishop Mar Mathew Kavukattu has been profound in my life. I still remember
receiving the first Catechism prize from him during middle school.
One of my most vivid memories is my first meeting with him after my SSLC
results were announced. I brought him my certificate, proudly placed in the
first class, one of only four in Alleppey schools then. He expressed amazement
at my marks in English. Although I didn’t meet him often, I sensed his genuine
support for me. After my B.Sc. results, I had the opportunity to visit him at
the Bishop’s house, where he invited me to lunch and spoke highly of my
academic achievements.
Later, during my first year in Theology, he inquired whether I would be
interested in pursuing higher studies in Rome, though the conversation ended
with my concerns about family expenses. After my ordination, he didn’t assign me
to a parish immediately but instead encouraged me to pursue an MA in English at
S.B. College, assuring me that a position would be available by the time I
completed my studies. His thoughtfulness and compassion have left a lasting
impact on me, and I have never regretted the path he charted for me.
Unfortunately, shortly into my postgraduate studies, he passed away, leaving
a significant void in the Church’s leadership. The days of great leaders like
Mar Mathew Kavukattu seem to have faded, and it’s disheartening to witness
others of lesser intellectual and spiritual caliber occupying those positions.
At the outset of my priesthood, I promised to preach only the love of Jesus.
For me, the sermon during Mass is a sacred moment to represent Jesus and interpret
His words for the congregation, allowing them to feel His love. I am grateful
that people have recognized this central theme in my sermons, whether in the
U.S. or Kerala, and I thank the Lord for the opportunity to speak for Him.
I am aware of my shortcomings and rely on the kindness and mercy of the
Lord. In recent years, the turmoil surrounding the Synodal decision to
implement a uniform mode of Eucharistic celebration has distracted the focus of
the Syro-Malabar Church. Some priests’ actions have brought derision and
contempt upon the clergy. What could have been resolved through dialogue and
education instead became a source of division. It was misguided for leadership
to rush into a situation they knew would provoke strong reactions. Older
priests are more aware of the conflicting views regarding the new Eucharistic
celebration, as two opposing liturgical teachings have been perpetuated in
major seminaries. If unanimity were the goal, these divergent teachings should
have been addressed long ago.
We often speak of dialogue, discussions, and synodality in our preaching,
yet these ideals seem to vanish in practice. There is no real dispute regarding
doctrine or the essence of the Catholic faith; rather, the current issues stem
from a troubling mix of low-mindedness and hubris, masquerading as spiritual
obedience.
As a result, the Church finds itself in a precarious position, with vital
matters being overlooked. The Church should lead in providing aid to the sick
and disadvantaged while countering negative portrayals in social and
entertainment media. Unfortunately, we are failing to inspire our youth, who
are drifting away from the Church. Our leaders often lack inspiration, relying
on uninspired rhetoric instead of profound insight. We find ourselves guided by
average individuals who depend on superficial statements rather than eloquent
discourse.
The Syro-Malabar Church and its initiatives have significantly transformed
society. Through dedication and sacrifice, we have built a culture that uplifts
individuals, irrespective of caste or religion. Our educational institutions,
orphanages, and homes for the disabled have empowered thousands to realize
their potential. Yet, these critical aspects of the Church are now overlooked
in favor of an illusory sense of unity. Even the Holy Father has been drawn
into this troubling situation and made a target of ridicule.
I am left wondering why there is no strong leadership within the Church to
put an end to this disarray.
