Prayers of Nouwen

 

Lord, give me faith, faith in your endless mercy, your boundless forgiveness, your unfathomable goodness.

Let me not be tempted to think that my sins are too great to be forgiven, too abominable to be touched by your mercy….Let me never run away from you...Take me under your wings, O  Lord. Perhaps my doubt in your forgiveness is a greater sin than the sins I consider too great to be forgiven,.. Lord, look at me, accept my prayer as you accepted Peter’s prayer.

 

Dear Lord, show me your kindness and your gentleness, you who are meek and humble of heart.

The fact that I get so easily upset because of a disappointment, so easily angered because of a slight criticism, and so easily depressed because of slight rejection, shows that your love does not fill me….

What can people do to me when I know that you love, care for, protect, defend, guide, and support me? What does a small -or even a great failure mean, when I know you are with me in all my sorrows and turmoil? Yet time and again,  I have to confess that I have not let your love descend fully from my mind into my heart.

God’s mercy is greater than our sins.  There is an awareness of sin that does not lead to God but to self-preoccupation. Our temptation is to be so impressed by our sins and failings and so overwhelmed by our lack of generosity that we get stuck in a paralyzing guilt.It is the guilt that says, “ I am too sinful to deserve God’s mercy. It is the guilt that has become an idol and therefore a form of pride. 

Lent is the time to break down this idol. Are we like Judas who did not repent or like Peter who repented?

Dear Lord, thank you for the beginning of spring. In the midst of Lent, I am made aware that Easter is coming again. The days are getting longer, the snow is fading, and the sun is bringing new warmth.

Anyone who drinks the water I give...what words… the water that you give turns into a spring. Therefore, I do not have to be stingy with your gift, O Lord. I can freely let the water come from my center and let anyone who desires drink from it.

Let the spring of this year and the spring of water in me give me joy.

Listen, Lord, to my prayers. Listen to my desire to be with you,to dwell in your house and to let my whole being filled with your presence.But none of this is possible without you. When you are not the one who fills me I am soon filled with endless thoughts and concerns that divide me and tear me away from you.

Every day I see again that only you can teach me to pray, only you can set my heart at rest, only you can let me dwell in your presence.

Lord,let me at least remain open to your initiative, let me wait patiently and attentively for that hour when you will come and break through all the walls I have erected.Teach me Lord to pray.

O Lord, let me praise you,bless you,worship you. So, often my prayer turns into introspective ruminations regarding my own confused feelings and emotions. You are the source of all goodness beauty and love. You have shown me your mercy by coming to me and lifting me up into your own life through the life of your Church.

Lord, let me understand that in and through you all my little concerns will be taken care of.

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O Lord, grant me a pure heart so that I can see You and hear you in the splendor of the holy liturgy.

My heart is not pure. I am filled with morbid introspection. Lord, I really want to see

but my struggle to come to any degree of purity of heart seems so futile...take me by the hand and lead me to the top of the mountain. Purify my heart and show me your light.

You are my lord,Lord of my heart,mind and soul. You know me through and through. You embrace all that exists and care for it with divine love….why do I keep looking for popularity,respect from others,success,acclaim, and sensual pleasures.

Help me Lord to let my old self die, to let die the thousand big and small ways in which I am still building up my false self and trying to cling to my false desires.

You alone can reach out to me and save me.

Thank you Lord for every day that you give me to come closer to you.Thank you for your patience and goodness.

Come,Lord Jesus,come.do not just come to our understanding,but enter our hearts---our passions,emotions and feelings and reveal your presence  to us in our inmost being.

p.66

Dear Lord, show me your kindness and gentleness. What does a small or even a great failure mean,when I know that you are with me in all my sorrows and turmoil. Yet time and again I have to confess that I have not let your love descend fully from my mind into my heart…

p.68

o Lord, your abundant love became visible today in the abundant beauty of nature. Refers to his mother’s death who was always fascinated by the spring.

I believe that her death will yield fruits.The day of your resurrection for which I am preparing  myself is also a sign that there is hope for all who die. So let my sadness be a sorrow that makes me eager to follow you on the way to the cross and beyond it, to that easter morning with its empty grave.

p.74

Dear Lord,help me keep my eyes on you.You are the incarnation of divine love,you are the expression of God’s infinite compassion.

 

you are beauty,goodness,gentleness,forgiveness and mercy.In you all can be found.why should elsewhere or go elsewhere/you have the words of eternal life.You are the light that shines in darkness,the lamp on the lamp stand, the house on the hilltop.

To you I want to give all that I am.let me be generous, not stingy otrhesitant.Let me give you all –all I have ,think,do and feel.Please accept it and make it fully your own.

 

 

Priestly Life

 Priestly life:

 Many people question the relevance of priesthood. Some people hold that the whole concept of priesthood is a sham and a fraud. Many are offended by the discourteous or uncouth behaviour of some priests. They did not find in these priests the gentlemanliness, courtesy, or compassion they expected from people who represented Christ. There are indeed some priests whose behaviour is atrocious and they appear not to have been transformed by the Gospels' message. They do not represent the vast majority of the priests who reflect the compassion and understanding of Jesus in their lives. His closeness to Jesus and his daily striving to be close to Him sustain a priest in his life..

  What Jesus said about himself as the Way, the Life, and the Truth gives us strength and confidence to handle our problems. If we put our trust in Him, nothing can destroy us or take away our inner freedom, peace, or joy.

The following reflections on the priesthood by Fr. Peter Stravinskas in his book “Be to Me a Father and a Priest” are found to be relevant in the discussion of priesthood in today’s world,

“His(Priest’s) is a divine commission to teach the tremendous mystery of God’s love to all men. We have at our disposal today the most advanced techniques of communication, the most nuanced understanding of learning theory, and most carefully researched methodologies….So, Fathers, like Christ, we must “be about our Father’s business.”

 According to Henri Nouwen, priests are “wounded healers”. We have our sins and failures. We need mercy in our lives. No one is perfect. Even the very thought that we are perfect and haven’t committed any sin is a sign of arrogance. Archbishop Sheen’s words to a person who asked him how he could establish rapport with prisoners when he goes to prisons to visit them are worth paying attention to. He said, he would say to them,  “Only thing is that I was not caught but you were caught. There go I but for the grace of God.”

We are all in the same boat. We carry our sins with us. We should be merciful and compassionate.

Fr. Peter Stravinskas mentions the following as the qualities required for priests in today’s age:

Courage of conviction, confidence, enthusiasm, joy, prayer and scholarship, prudence, class, and courtesy.

 The other traditional qualifications are presumed: prayer life, commitment to our promises of obedience, and chastity.

Pope Benedict speaks of a deficiency among modern Christians which he calls “Negative Tolerance.”

Confidence consists in knowing who you are and what you have to offer. Self-confidence is not arrogance.

Enthusiasm means that you should have fire in the belly.

Joy consists in seeing everything under the lens of eternity—seeing everything in the perspective of eternity.

Scholarship is Intellectual self-improvement

Prudence is doing the right thing under the right circumstances.

Class shows the way we talk, dress, and walk.

 

Nathaniel, the symbol of modern man

 Nathaniel (meaning "Gift of God" or "Giving of God" in Hebrew, and identified as Bartholomew the Apostle) was astonished by the way Jesus greeted him upon first sight, calling him "an Israelite in whom there is no deceit." Although Nathaniel initially doubted Philip, claiming that no prophet could come from the insignificant town of Nazareth, he soon found himself drawn to Jesus by His unexpected affection and understanding.

In His greeting, Jesus captured Nathaniel's entire personality, recognizing him as a person without malice. Nathaniel’s sincerity, openness, curiosity to learn, humility, lack of prejudice, and deep understanding of the Scriptures were all encapsulated in that greeting. Nathaniel was astonished by Jesus’ knowledge of his inner thoughts and reflections, unraveled with just a few words. Sitting under the fig tree—a term used to describe the meditative study of the Scriptures—signified Nathaniel’s contemplative nature. Jesus revealed that He understood the perplexities and ambiguities that weighed upon Nathaniel’s heart. Nathaniel immediately realized he was in the presence of none other than the Son of God.

Nathaniel represents every disciple who encounters Jesus personally. All confusion and doubt vanish when Jesus enters one's life. Like St. Paul, such a disciple would declare, “Who can separate me from the Lord?” Nathaniel also symbolizes those in today’s world who are bewildered by various ideologies and perspectives. Amidst conflicting viewpoints, stability and peace are found in Christ.

In Shakespearean criticism, Hamlet,  the Prince of Denmark, is often seen as a figure representing the modern individual, grappling with ambiguity and confusion—emotions expressed in his famous soliloquy, “To be or not to be.” Thomas Merton, similarly, found himself caught in a web of conflicting ideologies. Yet, when Jesus touched his life, he abandoned the conveniences of modern life for the seclusion of a monastery, where he encountered Christ in all creation: “The trees indeed love You without knowing You. The tiger lilies and cornflowers proclaim their love for You, unaware of Your presence. The dark clouds drift slowly across the sky, musing on You as children who play, unaware of their dreams... yet in their midst, I know You and know Your presence.”

Nathaniel invites each of us who have encountered Jesus personally to say with conviction, “Rabbi, You are the Son of God, the King of Israel.”

 

Zacchaeus: A Symbol of Repentance and Hospitality

 Zacchaeus: A Symbol of Repentance and Hospitality

Zacchaeus(Pure, Innocent in Hebrew) stands as a lasting beacon of hope, symbolizing repentance and hospitality. His name is often invoked in our prayers for home blessings, as Jesus chose to stay with him, transforming his house into a place of grace. Jesus recognized Zacchaeus’s genuine desire to encounter Him—manifested by his climb up a sycamore tree despite his small stature. Through this act, Zacchaeus displayed his repentance, humility, and willingness to serve Jesus's mission. He wasn’t content with merely a partial glimpse of Jesus but sought a full, direct encounter. Jesus’s response was immediate: He called Zacchaeus down from the tree and announced His intention to stay at his home. Overjoyed, Zacchaeus offered to repay everything he had taken and to give fourfold of what he had extorted. This transformation occurred simply because of Jesus's presence, free of criticism or condemnation. Jesus accepted Zacchaeus as he was, with all his faults and burdens.

Zacchaeus reminds us of the transformation that must take place when we welcome Jesus into our lives. We cannot remain trapped in pride and arrogance but must step down from our pedestals, making ourselves available to others. This transformation involves reparation, humility, and the removal of grudges and resentment from our hearts.

Reflecting on this transformation, Cardinal Dolan, in his book Priests of the Third Millennium, offers guidance to priests. Drawing from his experiences as the Rector of the North American College in Rome, he writes, “Grace builds on nature. We supply raw materials for God’s amazing grace. Priests are to be bridge-builders. Our manner, our style, and our personality are to attract people—not to shock, scare, hurt, or alienate them. What good will the prayer and learning be for the priest whose personality repels people?”

What is often missing in our actions is simple courtesy and humility. Our spiritual calling should not elevate us to arrogance or a sense of superiority. Jesus’s example at the Last Supper reminds us that our ministry is rooted in service, in washing the feet of our neighbors. Like Zacchaeus, we can only achieve generosity and a broad-minded spirit through true repentance and humility.

Nicodemus, a model for openness and re-awakening

 Nicodemus(Etymology: the people's victory in Gk and Nahum in Hebrew) appears three times in the Gospel of St. John. As St. John describes, he was a scholar among the Jews of that time, yet deeply perplexed by Jesus’ teachings on rebirth. Wanting to understand more, Nicodemus sought Jesus out, though he came under the cover of night, fearing to appear in public. During their conversation, Jesus clarified that the rebirth He spoke of was not a second physical birth, as Nicodemus initially thought, but rather a spiritual rebirth—one whose effects would be visible in a transformed life. This explanation resonated with Nicodemus, and it began his journey of spiritual transformation.

Later, Nicodemus interceded with the Pharisees, arguing that Jesus should not be condemned without being heard. Eventually, he displayed no fear in identifying as a follower of Christ. When Jesus was crucified, Nicodemus publicly honored Him by bringing spices for His burial, an act of reverence and devotion.

What stands out is the spiritual transformation that took place in Nicodemus through his openness to learning and his willingness to break free from rigid traditions. His enlightenment came from Jesus Himself, the source of ultimate truth. Nicodemus symbolizes the openness and unprejudiced pursuit of knowledge that education and spiritual growth bring. He was fortunate to receive his formation from Christ, and his life reminds us that we should not remain confined within the limits of what we’ve already learned. Instead, we should be constantly expanding our understanding, seeking deeper insights into our faith.

Like Nicodemus, we are called to articulate what we believe clearly and logically to those who seek to understand our faith. In this way, Nicodemus is a model for intellectual curiosity and spiritual openness.

Similarly, Cardinal Newman exemplifies the ideal of a seeker. Unsatisfied with what he had absorbed, he sought deeper knowledge about his faith, its roots, and its authenticity. His prayer to the Light to guide his way came from his heart, and through further study and inquiry, he grew in his understanding of the faith. Newman was willing to give up positions and privileges to pursue the truth he found. His words capture this sense of purpose:

"God has created me to do Him some definite service; He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission; I never may know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I have a part in a great work; I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good, I shall do His work; I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my place, while not intending it, if I do but keep His commandments and serve Him in my calling."

In our own journey, we too should use our time and resources to deepen our knowledge of the faith and understanding of our attachment to Jesus. This requires constant study and an open mind. As Tennyson’s Ulysses declares, our aim should be “to strive, to seek, to find.” Nicodemus, in this sense, becomes a mentor and guiding star for us as we pursue greater understanding and spiritual growth.

Pastoral Leadership

 Pastoral Leadership

In his book Leadership in the Church, Cardinal Walter Kasper reflects on the essence of priestly life. He emphasizes that the significance of a priest lies not in his contributions to the institutional structure of the Church, but in how he reflects the love and compassion of Jesus through his life. Kasper states, “There is nothing for us to make... all we can do is to offer ourselves for the purpose of representation. Priestly existence is existence as a witness and as a sign, not only with our lips, but with the whole of our existence.” According to him, it is not material accomplishments that matter, but how a priest embodies Christ in his daily life.

This idea finds resonance even in secular fields. Harvard Professor Clayton M. Christensen, in discussing leadership and fulfillment, echoes a similar sentiment: “What provides happiness in our careers is not money; it is the opportunity to learn, grow in responsibilities that contribute to others, and be recognized for achievements... the metric by which God will assess my life is not dollars but the individual people whose lives I have touched.” For Christensen, the desire to care for people is the hallmark of a good and effective leader. It’s not about amassing wealth but about how one has impacted and cared for others.

One exemplary figure of this principle is the late industrial leader Ratan Tata, who demonstrated profound care for the well-being of others. During the aftermath of the tragic Taj Hotel attack in Mumbai, Tata extended financial support to the family of one of his managers who lost his life. He provided educational assistance to the children, offered a job to the widow, and continued to send the family the same salary the husband had earned. This is a reflection of true leadership—concern for people over profit.

This is precisely what Jesus asks of his followers: to serve others. He teaches us to wash the feet of others, as He did for His disciples. Jesus clearly stated that He came to serve, not to be served. This has inspired a management style known as Servant Leadership, rooted in His teachings. Through the parable of the Good Shepherd, Jesus illustrated what it means to lead a community: a leader must be protective, compassionate, and committed to the holistic development of those in their care, always seeking out the lost.

As leaders in the Church, parents, teachers, and religious figures, we are called to live by Jesus's teachings. Our preaching is not limited to words but also conveys the silent testimony of lives lived according to Gospel values. The words of St. John Chrysostom, spoken centuries ago, remain relevant today: “If you don’t see the beggar at the Church door, you cannot find Christ in the Chalice.”

Instead of engaging in quarrels, whether among different denominations or within our Church, we should focus on living out the teachings of Christ. These disputes do little to advance our Christian witness. Our attention should be on the urgent task of building our lives according to Christ’s example, for the time given to us is brief.

 

Reflections on my Priestly Life

 As I reach the twilight of my life, I find myself reflecting on my 56 years as a priest. Throughout this journey, I have never doubted my calling. My love for Jesus deeply influenced my decision to pursue the priesthood, as it allowed me to be close to Him and feel His presence in my life.

When it came time to choose between joining the Jesuit order—whose priests had been my teachers in high school—and the diocesan priesthood, I was drawn to the flexibility and freedom that the latter provided. The influence of Archbishop Mar Mathew Kavukattu has been profound in my life. I still remember receiving the first Catechism prize from him during middle school.

One of my most vivid memories is my first meeting with him after my SSLC results were announced. I brought him my certificate, proudly placed in the first class, one of only four in Alleppey schools then. He expressed amazement at my marks in English. Although I didn’t meet him often, I sensed his genuine support for me. After my B.Sc. results, I had the opportunity to visit him at the Bishop’s house, where he invited me to lunch and spoke highly of my academic achievements.

Later, during my first year in Theology, he inquired whether I would be interested in pursuing higher studies in Rome, though the conversation ended with my concerns about family expenses. After my ordination, he didn’t assign me to a parish immediately but instead encouraged me to pursue an MA in English at S.B. College, assuring me that a position would be available by the time I completed my studies. His thoughtfulness and compassion have left a lasting impact on me, and I have never regretted the path he charted for me.

Unfortunately, shortly into my postgraduate studies, he passed away, leaving a significant void in the Church’s leadership. The days of great leaders like Mar Mathew Kavukattu seem to have faded, and it’s disheartening to witness others of lesser intellectual and spiritual caliber occupying those positions.

At the outset of my priesthood, I promised to preach only the love of Jesus. For me, the sermon during Mass is a sacred moment to represent Jesus and interpret His words for the congregation, allowing them to feel His love. I am grateful that people have recognized this central theme in my sermons, whether in the U.S. or Kerala, and I thank the Lord for the opportunity to speak for Him.

I am aware of my shortcomings and rely on the kindness and mercy of the Lord. In recent years, the turmoil surrounding the Synodal decision to implement a uniform mode of Eucharistic celebration has distracted the focus of the Syro-Malabar Church. Some priests’ actions have brought derision and contempt upon the clergy. What could have been resolved through dialogue and education instead became a source of division. It was misguided for leadership to rush into a situation they knew would provoke strong reactions. Older priests are more aware of the conflicting views regarding the new Eucharistic celebration, as two opposing liturgical teachings have been perpetuated in major seminaries. If unanimity were the goal, these divergent teachings should have been addressed long ago.

We often speak of dialogue, discussions, and synodality in our preaching, yet these ideals seem to vanish in practice. There is no real dispute regarding doctrine or the essence of the Catholic faith; rather, the current issues stem from a troubling mix of low-mindedness and hubris, masquerading as spiritual obedience.

As a result, the Church finds itself in a precarious position, with vital matters being overlooked. The Church should lead in providing aid to the sick and disadvantaged while countering negative portrayals in social and entertainment media. Unfortunately, we are failing to inspire our youth, who are drifting away from the Church. Our leaders often lack inspiration, relying on uninspired rhetoric instead of profound insight. We find ourselves guided by average individuals who depend on superficial statements rather than eloquent discourse.

The Syro-Malabar Church and its initiatives have significantly transformed society. Through dedication and sacrifice, we have built a culture that uplifts individuals, irrespective of caste or religion. Our educational institutions, orphanages, and homes for the disabled have empowered thousands to realize their potential. Yet, these critical aspects of the Church are now overlooked in favor of an illusory sense of unity. Even the Holy Father has been drawn into this troubling situation and made a target of ridicule.

I am left wondering why there is no strong leadership within the Church to put an end to this disarray.