Thanks-7

Thanks-7,Aug.15.

Today is the Feast of Assumption and the Independence Day of India.

Lord, help me to spend more time in prayer on this day. After the flag hoisting ceremony and the celebrations, I will be going to the Mount and spend more time in prayer. The Lord is my everything. I will place all my weaknesses and failures before him and ask him to transform them. My joy is in my prayers. The time that is given to me has to be spent in prayers. When I think of  Fr.Thuruthmaly.. and Kazhukachalil.. who were all in constant contact with me in the past months and are no more with me, I realize the transitory nature of time more sharply. In the Gospel that I read for meditation from Mt 16, Jesus asks us to be watchful so that we should not ignore our eternal salvation.There is nothing to be gained if our salvation is in danger. Lord, have mercy on me.

I am at Mt.St.Thomas.Had lunch with the priests .Said mass in the morning here in the chapel.

In the morning , I was at Xime for the Independence Day celebrations. They honoured me well by giving me a special seat. After the ceremony, I  left the place for the Mount.

Here they are doing all kinds of preparations for the beginning of the Synod.The MABP said mass in the morning.

Abp. Sheen on “Sanctiying the Moment”:

P.208 .

All unhappiness comes from excessive concentration on the past or from

extreme preoccupation with the future.

A conscience, burdened with the guilt of past sins, is fearful of divine judgment. But God in his mercy has given us two remedies for such unhappiness: one is the sacrament of penance. Nothing in human experience is as efficacious in curing the memory and imagination as a confession.

Confession also heals the imagination, eliminating its anxiety for the future. The second remedy is the sanctification of the moment....we are to leave the past to divine mercy and trust the future to his loving Providence.

Aug.16, Friday

Thank you, Lord, for these fine reflections of Bp.Sheen.He gives the answer to my searching for peace and forgiveness. Handing over the past to the mercy of God and living every moment trusting in the providence of God. We have to live in love and faith. We don't have to be afraid of anything. Lord, have mercy on me. Let me feel confident in my heart.

Today, God gives me another day to spend in prayer and adoration. I will spend my time in prayer at the Mount. I don't have to be worried about my day being used for acquiring any knowledge except for deepening my relationship with the Lord.

I have to prepare myself for my trip to the US. Only ten days more. The Synod begins on the 19^th.

"Every moment brings us more treasures than we can gather.

This moment is my school, my textbook, my lesson.

The university of the moment---the one who accepts God's will in all things escapes such frustration by piercing the disguise of outward events to penetrate to their real character as messengers of the God he loves.

Merton—Thoughts in Solitude

"The psalms are the true garden of the solitary and the Scriptures are his Paradise.

I have found and have known, by your great mercy, that the love of a man's heart that is abandoned and broken and poor is most pleasing to you.

My Father, I know You have called me to live alone with you and to learn that If I were not a mere man, a mere human being capable of all mistakes and all evil, also capable of a frail and errant human affection for you, I would not be capable of being your son.

Let my trust be in your mercy, not in myself. Let my hope be in you..."

Aug 17, Saturday

In Mathew 19, Jesus speaks against divorce and for the need to obey the commandments to attain eternal salvation. Lord, I have failed in so many ways. Forgive me and keep me in your company. Nobody can fathom the depths to which one can go. In spite of great training and education, we are susceptible to all kinds of moral failures. Lord, protect me and have mercy on me.

Today, I will be going to Chy for the wedding of Tom Perumpayil's nephew.

From today onwards, I shall not be looking for occasions of glory or fame.No to such thoughts. Be happy with what God has given me. That is all. Praise  God and bear no grudges.

Aug.18, Sunday

Now is the time to prepare for the journey. I have to put everything that I wrote daily in a flash drive. Today I have to go to the Basilica and Muvattupuzha for the betrothals.

This morning,I was Reading Mt.19 where Jesus speaks about the need to forgive without any conditions.He also speaks about the indissolubility of marriage by affirming that the husband and wife become one body and nobody should separate them from that union.It is a perfect way for unity and love and creates on earth an imitation of God's unconditional love for each one of us.It is into that environment of love that the children are born and brought up. All ways of forgiveness and compromises should be practiced in order to preserve that love.
Stephen Covey, a well-known author on management and leadership says that the best leadership in the world is that of a parent. Values, leadership, faith, love, humility, willingness to help, compromise and forgiving are all practiced here.(I have to quote from here in more detail).

When I speak about marriage, I can use the words of the Holy Father: Marriage is a pilgrimage in faith; three things for marriage: please, forget and forgive.

Jesus ' words—A grain of wheat has to fall and decay in order to give new life. The more you go down, the more you go up. It is in giving that we gain. Love involves sacrifices. Humility- not a weakness but a sign of strength. You are not going to be judged on the dollars you have made but  on the number of people you have helped(Harvard Talk---- on humility-- by Christensten)

Aug.19.Monday

I thank you, Lord for this day. Yesterday, I went for the betrothal at the Basilica and later at Muvattupuzha for Asha's sister. I gave the homily at the BASILICA FOR DR.FRANCY'S DAUGHTER. I suppose it went OK. At Muvattupuzha , I was the main celebrant. By the grace of God, everything went OK. On Saturday,went to Chy for Tom's nephew's wedding – with Abp.Perumthottam and Abp.Coorillos.

Today is the beginning of the Synod. The News Channel gives a lot of importance because of the selection of a bishop for Ekm. There was shown on TV a lot of people going over to the Mount to give their memorandum.

Today in the Gospel of Mt.20, Jesus speaks about the laborers in the vineyard and how God is paying the workers according to his generosity. The last and the first are paid the same wages. God's generosity has no limits. We have to depend on God totally. There is no need to be worried. The only thing is that we have to respond to God positively and be willing to follow His will. Lord, thank you for this message.

I may go to the Mount this evening. Just to make my presence felt. Will say the mass there.

Lord, I will never allow myself to be worried. I will just focus on you.

I had a class in the morning and it went Ok.I made them correct some of the mistakes and asked them to give short speeches.

Went to the Mount in the afternoon. I met the MABP very briefly. Someone gave me a brief account of the people who came to the Mount with their protests and rough behavior, yesterday. These are the people who lost all their sense of values and were totally unChristian.It is a great tragedy that some of the priests were behind them to get what they want at any cost.

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Lord, have mercy on me. Help me to love you deeply and be close to you. You are the joy of my life. My love for you should overcome the power of my weaknesses. I cannot combat the power of these forces alone, with my own resources. I need You to be present actively in my life. I know you will never abandon me.

Aug.20,Tuesday

In the Gospel of Mathew,  Ch.21.Jesus is making his triumphal entry into Jerusalem and people shout hosanna and greet him warmly and publicly. He then began to teach in the Temple. The leaders come asking for his authority to do so. He responds to them by putting a question to them about the authority of John the Baptist. Through the parables of the vineyard, he tells them about the need to accept Him as their Savior. If not, the opportunity of salvation will be offered to others. This is the moment for me to commit myself to Jesus and accept Him as the Lord of my life. There is nothing else important in my life except the faith in Jesus. Jesus and my faith in Jesus are very important. There is no need for feeling unhappy and depressed. I have to feel joyful and confident and use the last minute of my life by reading and writing for Jesus. I am given opportunities again through the various assignments I still have. I have to use them.

Every day I will meditate on the words of Jesus and find joy in the presence of Jesus. Today too, I  will go to the Mount and say mass there.

Went to the Mount.I was a bit late and reached there only aftr 2.30 p.m.and hence missed seeing the Abp.Met Bp.Joy Alappat and had a cordial talk with him.

All kinds of rumors are flying around with regard to a new appointment for Ekm. Mr.VO Sebastian came to have a discussion on the Leadership Programme and he says that he would see to it that more people would come from Trichur side. 

Aug.21, Wednesday

I was supposed to teach a class but it was canceled as the students had other programmes. So today will be the last day here and tomorrow, being the birthday, I will be at home for lunch. I will do the packing today. I will be going to the Mount at 2p.m and will try to see the MABP, if possible. Will say mass there.

Aug.22

My birthday.I said mass at 11a.m. And after the mass some of the fathers came to my room to offer their greetings.It was a touching show of affection and sensitivity. I was very much delighted at their manifestation of love.

Left for home by 12.The family came for lunch. Even though we were very few in number, still the coming together cemented the family unity.

Bought a stole from Mar Louis.

Aug.23, Friday.Went to the Mount and said the mass. Two meetings were going on there—the meeting of the Major Superiors and of the Forane Vicars. The Synod is trying to find a way out of the crisis. More delay means more time for them to get organized to show their protests. Earlier, people were not with the rebel group. Now they are getting more people to support them.

I have to spend my life in prayer and thanksgiving.How soon all who are loved by me have departed from the world--colleagues, priests, and friends. All those who were in good and loving relationship with me have left for the eternal abode. God, grant them eternal rest and give me your love and forgiveness.

Aug 24,Saturday

Went to the Mount.Said the mass. I had lunch there. Left immediately after lunch. Did all the packing.Will say more prayers and spend time thanking the Lord. Will never show any anxiety or worry.Will totally depend on God. Lord, thank you for your mercy.

I have to feel happy and confident because of my Lord.

Aug.25, Sunday

Thank you, Lord, for this day. Help me to spend this day in prayer. I have to prepare myself spiritually--trying to be united with God. Today,in the Gospel, Jesus reminds me to be watchful and be prepared. That is what I have to do today. Lord, have mercy on me.

Thank you-5

Thank you-5

July 17,Wednesday

Lord, I thank you for your blessings.You have kept me alive and well.I will spend my day thanking you and praising you.Nothing else is important.I find joy and peace in praising you and adoring you.In  the Gospel passage, I read this morning for my meditation , your words in Jn 6 are very consoling.What you want everyone is  to have faith in you.The one who believes in you has eternal life.O Lord, how comforting is that message.It is not my past unworthiness that should be disturbing me .My daily faithfulness to you is the source of my strength and hope.I have the habit of being disturbed by my failures.I feel my unworthiness.I have to accept your forgiveness. Once you have forgiven me, they are forgiven.I should not be worried about them any more.In spite of my education, reading and writing, I find myself as the most abject being  because of my failures.O Lord, through my confessions, you have forgiven me.Why should I carry them with me? I have to move forward and trust in the mercy and forgiveness of the Lord.

Lord, help me to be faithful to you.Today, I will sing your praises.I will go to the Mount and say mass there.

July 18,Wednesday

Yesterday evening while I was talking with Kochayan, a call came from Santosh asking me whether I could come to the States for the baptism and blessing of the house on Sept.2nd.I said yes.Now I have to think of the dates.

Now, the attraction of visiting A is no more there.But , we have to go on.I have to offer mass for A.The divine blood of Jesus will bathe her and give her the purity of sainthood.She would be praying for me too.What I have to do is to pray for all and also for forgiveness for me.All the days of my life should be used to increase the depth of my love for Jesus.

What I can do is to use the time to buy new books and spend the time in reading.Lord, help me to make the right decisions.

In today's Gospel, I read the the continuation of Ch.6^th where Jesus speaks about the need to put our faith in Him.In Jesus,  God reveals himself.When we trust in him, believe in  him, we are are trusting in God.Nothing more is required from us except the unbounded trust in Jesus.O Lord, help me to commit myself totally in you.There should be nothing in my life or in the world hindering this total commitment to Jesus.

Will go the Mount today and say the mass there.

Yesterday was the inauguration of the Clubs at XIME  and it went very well.They all welcomed me and thanked me.When I went to Auditorium, they greeted me with clapping and the faculty stood up.It was a good gesture.Thank you Jesus for your love.Give me the grace to be faithful to you.

July 21,Sunday

Today my sugar level came down to 107. From yesterday onward , as per the suggestion of the doctor, I began to take 9 units of insulin,Lantus.

Yesterday, I went to Kodupunna for the funeral of Fr.Kizhedkedam.He was a good friend.Met some of the priests.

Santosh has invited me to bless his house and do the baptism of his daughter a couple of days ago.I accepted the invitation although my intention was not to go this summer unless any special invitation comes along.Then,Santosh calls me.I will pray to the Lord for guidance and protection.Offer myself to the Lord.Until the Lord calls me , I have to be doing and be active.Only thing that is needed is to remain close to Jesus.

Yesterday, the priests who were forcibly occupying the Abp's house ended their stay and fast.What a shameful spectacle they showed to the world around.Through their actions, they destroyed everything that was beautiful about our faith: love, forgiveness, compassion. A very poor show of Christian faith.How will one speak about the beauty of Christian faith? Thank God, it is over.Such a culture-less group of priests.There is not even a single sane person who could decry this very unchristian way of demonstration and protest.

The Abp outwardly kept his cool.He was appearing to be very humorous and funny.Internally , he might have been feeling the heat of the situation. The Bishops of the Permanent Synod took a firm stand but conceding some of their demands which were already granted in the Abp's circular which many of them refused to read in their churches.

July 21 Sunday.

Said mass at the Kannankunnath church and went with Davis to the Mount.Met the Cardinal. Thought he would be happy.But he appeared to be gloomy and sullen.When I was coming down, he told me that the Cardinal from Bombay was there .He was going down to talk with him.Maybe his presence might have disturbed him. Whatever may be, the actions of the priests were pure hooliganism and they escaped from the Bishop's house in a spirit of victory,Such a heinous behavior.Seminary rectors and professors in the group that represented them.What a poor performance on their part!

Thank you Lord for giving me the opportunity to serve and love you.Nothing is more valuable than loving you and reflecting on your love and forgiveness.

Rosh, Sindhu and the family are here.Went to Gracemma's house and met them there.They came on a surprise visit yesterday.

Still miss A with whom I could share my thoughts and feelings.She who was such a strong pillar of support on the earth is no more.She was the one to whom I could confide everything and she would offer her  advice. Of course, it is true as she grew older , she lost her ability to laugh and joke.She was more complaining about her ills and pains.All of a sudden her life was over.

So too, Thuruthumaly disappeared fast.He was one with whom I could share although talking with him was difficult as he could not use any cell phone.Life moves fast and death comes unexpectedly. I have to prepare myself  for  the day. Days of life are getting shorter. I have to remember a few words of Jesus to keep me alive.  “ I am with you until the end of the world.Don't be afraid.Pray continuously.God will grant whatever you ask in his name.Believe in me and believe in the one who sent me....”

July 23,Tuesday

Today, I am going to Thathampallyfor a mass for Achayan. Achayan’s life is the source of our lives and is our inspiration.God bless him.

I have booked my ticket for the US –to Newark from Bombay.

The arrangements for the educational conference are being done.

Tax is enormous.Today, will be mailing it through the help of Joymon.

I returned from Alleppey  after saying the mass. Josy,Linu and the children were there. Lissikutty did all the preparations.

I got my new glasses. It is expensive—Rs. 30,000.What is the need of saving all the money? I have to use it when it is the right  time. I can read well now.So, I think it is all right.I had a few sneezings at the mass because of the AC in the Car.I was sitting in the front.

I have to be close to the Lord.Feel very close to Him.Pray more  without any stop.

I miss A very dearly as I have nobody to talk to.What a change in life.She who was so particular about her health and used to consult the doctors always had all these health problems.She made the wrong decision to move with D .D did not pay much attention to the needs of A.A should have remained at some hospital or old age homes.Her sister in law Anna made the right decision to sell her house and move to a new place. Well, it is all a gone case and is no more worth discussing.

July 24^th Wednesday

Today in St.John's Gospel, reading about the raising to Life of Lazarus.Jesus gives him life back.Jesus is with us always.I have to ask him to raise my spirits , to make me an ardent follower of his.Faith in him is the most important thing.I should not be worried about my sins and failures.All are imperfect.Hence, there is no need of crying over spilt milk.

The demise of Fr.George Kazhukachalil.

What a shocking  piece of news.This morning when I opened the obituary page of the Deepika, I saw his clear picture in the Deepika. A very  sad feeling.He used to talk to me almost every other week.He cooperated with me in arranging get-togethers. I am sorry to hear about his passing away. He was planning to come here a few months later.God bless him.I offered today's mass for him.

 Today-- finalized the details about the education meetings. 

Boris Johnson took up the job of the Prime Minister. He delivered a powerful speech about what he is going to do in front of 10 Downing Street.

Thank you Lord for your blessings.

Today, the travel to the US is reserved.Leaving here on 26^th and returning on Sept.28^th. Everything is to be offered to the Lord.

July 25^th ,Thursday

Tomorrow is the beginning of the Education Seminar.Will go in the evening to the Mount and say the mass there.

Days are approaching for the trip to the US. It was good that I changed to Aug.26^th.

I have begun reading the Imitation of Christ and the Confession of St.Augustine.I have to get more spiritual advice in my life.Daily Bread is also another source of help.My life has to become closer to God.Jesus alone should be on my lips and heart.There is nothing else than can give me joy as the Imitation says.Today I read in the Gospel of John , Jesus visiting Bethany and being anointed by Mary with the most precious ointment.I have to feel myself anointed by the Lord and wipe away all the dirt from my life with the nard of God's grace.

July 26 Friday

The education seminar went very well.All the speakers were present and more than 29 teachers were thre.More from Kottapuram diocese.I had a small talk in the beginning, introducing the Policy.The two ladies,Dr.Asha and Mrs.Molly Cyril spoke well.

Thank you Lord. I have to praise you and adore you. Today, I don't feel sleepy.It is after midnight.Maybe the coffee that I took in the evening may be keeping me awake.Whatever may be, I will just pray and say praises to the Lord.I am happy because the Lord is with me.I was mentally disturbed because I did not find the Insurance document.I am missing it again! I know it is somewhere here.I have to search for it again.I made a strong decision to keep it in a safe place and in a visible place.Funny, I did not take a picture or keep it.The Lord will help me to find it.I am sure.

Tomorrow is the 41 st memorial mass for Thuruthmaly.I will go to Arpookara and return before noon in order to be at Kalamassery for the meeting at 2.30.

Lord, you are the joy of my life.Be with me.

Even though I prepared a short note on Thuruthmaly, I don't think anyone would ask me to speak.

I will speak about his nobility and humility , his faithfulness to priestly life.Never showing any wavering in his attachment.

Chesterton's quote---the man who bends is straight and the one who bows is taller. No complaints about his illness. He just accepted it.He was getting prepared. Muggeridge's words---Like a school boy waiting to go home at the end of the semester, like the winter bird, ready to fly to warm places...

Lord, have mercy on me.

Tomorrow is the first anniversary of Theyamma too. I cannot go.They never discussed with me the date they were going to choose.God bless her.

Lord,Thank you for your love and forgiveness.

July 27,Saturday:

Went to Arpookara in the morning.Participated in the office and later at the mass.They asked me whether I could give the homily.I agreed.By the grace of God, I got the chance to pay homage to him. Also mentioned the Kalkandom incident when we were in the seminary.

Had lunch there soon after the communion and returned to Ekm for the meeting.Came sufficiently early.The meeting was attended well.The principals of SH and Pala St.Thomas,Mala and teachers from Vimala,Assumption, Mercy,Rajagiri etc were there.The meeting went OK.

July 28,Sunday

Biju came at 1.30 p.m.and brought me to Kalamasserry around 2p.m.We left there around 2.15m. Reached YMCA around 9p.m.I got an AC room.I saw a mosquito in the room!I would be ready at 6.50 am to say mass privately at Lourdes.Somehow the phone shows that there is no range.I cannot talk to anyone.No one can get in touch with me.Lord, I offer my heart to you.You are the joy of my life.Thank you Lord for bringing me here.We had chappati at Saravana.

Lord, I have to  use every moment everyday in praising you and adoring you.

July 30 Monday

Yesterday , we came back by 9.30 p.m. We had a short stop at Aryas near Kripasngamam for meals.Biju was there at Kalamasserry and I returned to Ekm.Thank you Jesus for your blessings.All the major assignments are over  for  the time being.The two educational meetings and the Tvm journey are over.I thank the Lord for keeping me alive to do these things.Also the eye-surgery  and its recovery period are all over.Thank you Lord for your love.

I called Fr.Tomy and Francis.Spoke to me about the need to borrow some money from Xime.Nothing to do today and hence will work on finishing up reading some books.

Biju was sent to collect the Insurance bill copy.

Went to see Mathaichan in the evening.He is OK but weak.God bless him and give him good health.

I have to pray hard. God has given me this opportunity in order to pray for all and keep alive the love for the Lord.I have to live as an extension for the goodness of the Lord. So many of my friends and relations are gone. I have only very few friends remaining here with whom I can enter into meaningful conversations.The greatest sorrow is in the loss of A.She was a bulwark of l and advice for me.She was so healthy and strong.She did not have any serious signs of weakness.All of a sudden , her kidney became weak and she had to undergo dialysis.It was the home dialysis done at D's home that proved her death -cause. What I can say is that it was the time for her to go.There should be an occasion for it.Lord, increase my love for you.Deepen my attachment to you. My time is also coming and these are intimations for me to prepare myself for the final moment.

The memories of the lives of Fr.Chiramel and Thuruthmaly come to my mind often.How fast they have left.

August 1,Thursday

Lord, thank you for the time being given to me.I have to spend my time praising you and adoring you.No more worry about anything.Be satisfied with the opportunities you have given me.Cooperate with all and use the the little opportunities to deepen my spiritual life.I will spend today reading the Bible and praising my Lord.Depend on his forgiveness and mercy.O Lord, deepen my knoweldge. Let me feel never defeated out of ideas in praising you and speaking about you.

The friends I have lost are a reminder about using my time usefully for you.

Today, I read Jn Ch.14^th. A very consoling chapter .Jesus  is  asking us to believe in Him because he and the Father are one.Whatever we ask in his name will be granted to us.There is life in him and our lives will be drawing  strength by being close to him.He is the life, the way and the truth.Lord, thank you for your grace and blessings.today, I have to feel strong and happy in your presence.What you told Philip should be repeated in my life.He who sees you sees the Father.Oh, Rejoice and rejoice.

This morning, the Bank informed that the copy of my insurance policy has been sent to my mail.I made a copy of it.Thank you Lord.i was searching for a copy and could not find it anywhere.Got it fast.

I was reading an article of the Amerca magazine about the qualities of Silicon Valley life: move fast and break things.Some of the qualities associated with this new way of life are the following: New forms of human connections,time saving automation,placing powerful technology in the hands of wealthy and poor alike.The new term that is associated with this way of life is Disruption.The Jesuits add a jesuit value to this :Discernement—moving thoughtfully.Man is the centre of everything and his life is be attended to.The motto of Jesuit education –Cura personalis--total care of the person.

Lord, have mercy on me.You have given me enough time to purify me and make me worthy of your love.

Thank you -4

Thank You -4

Yesterday, went to the Mount and corrected the translation of the press release on the new organization at the Archdiocese of Ekm.The Cardinal went to the Abp's house  day before yesterday and he is staying there.The news channel began reporting and by 3.30 ,all the channels began to report.The two aux.s are suspended from being aux.s.The Synod is given more involvement.

Welcome and happy news for the Cardinal.He suffered a lot but he remained calm and cool.God bless him.Let there be peace and calm in the hearts of the rebellious priests.

Today, I read in the Gospel the parable of the wedding guests who rejected the invitation to the wedding banquet.In the end, strangers and wayfarers were invited.The one without the wedding garment was thrown out.It is a lession for all of us.What should be our wedding garment?It should be my repentance.I have to keep the spirit of repentance and ask the Lord constanly for forgivness.There is no way I can reorganize the past of my life. The only way open for us and me is to ask the Lord for forgiveness.We are all fallible human beings.There is no one who is perfect.That is why Jesus insists on forgiveness.Whether we are priests or the religiou, we are weak and fragile human beings.We carry in our hearts  the failures and sins of our life.We have to offer them to the Lord.Depend totally on the mercy of Jesus.Live under his blessing and mercy.Trust in him totally.

Lord, thank you for your mercy and love.

June 28-Friday

All the papers came out with the news of the new arrangement at the Ekm diocese.Now the channel discussions on the arrangments made by the Vatican. The rebel priests are becoming active. They have the aud,Bps now on their side.They will make use of their presence.

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Fr.Cyriac Koottummel---his funeral at the Nazreth Church.Went for the funeral mass.I reached the church after the homily. Felt sorry for the passing away of Fr.Koottummel.I did not get much time to talk with him during our lives.I should have spent more time with the preists.Today I saw Fr. Vayalil standing on the side but I did not acknoweldge his presence.If I had waited a few more minutes, I could have recognized a few more priests.There should be a change in my attitudes.My time is also getting shorter.Lord, help me to change myself.I have to feel confident and strong.My confidence comes from my attachment  to Jesus.

July 6-Saturday

At home in Ekm.My catract surgery was on June 29^th.It was over within 20 minutes.I had the laser treat ment and then the insertion of the lens.But then five days of complete rest were prescribed.Stayed at Johnachan and Leelamma house  and Johnachan put drops in my eyes very regularly at the precribed timings. Yesterday, at my visit with the doctor Laksmi,I was told that everything was perect and I could resume my duties freely.I am told to meet the doctor after 15 days around 4p.m.

Thank you Lord, for everything.I can read and see everything –very sharply.The letters look deep dark; earlier it was hazy yellow.

I have no more A to talk to or share my thoughts.It was a passing away that was very sudden.May the Lord protect her and give her eternal joy.Lord, bless her.She was looking forward to eternal bliss with the Lord.I am sure she is enjoying that bliss now.Our sins are very small when they are  compared with the overwhelming mercy of God.

Juy 6^th Saturday

Going to Laikad,Chy for the mass for the Jubilee of Daylu's parents.This morning, I took my bath---first aftr the surgery. Did go for a walk on the roof top.Read the papers without any difficulty.Thank you Lord, for this blessing.Earlier these pages looked yellowish but now they are deep dark.Thank you Lord for the blessing.

Within the last few days, lost many friends,Fr.Chiramel,Fr.Thurthumaly,Fr.Koottummel.All very good people.Of course, with Koottummel, my conversations were very sparse but had a good admiration for him.Lord, we know that your call comes at any time.I have to get prepared for everything.There is no special time.

My time will be spent with the Lord in prayers and reflections.

The room is tidied up.The adjacent room is also cleared.We will put an AC there so that I can invite private vistors to my room.We can have discussions in the adjacent room.

Your mercy has no limits.I have to immerse myself in the ocean of yur love and mercy.Psalms are good in inspirng one to praise the Lord.

July 7,Sunday

Yesterday, I was informed by Manoj that the wife of Prof.SL Thomas passed away and that I should be present at the funeral.He called me this  morning and I told him that I would be coming toorrow for the funeral.I was thinking of going to Kalamasserry tomorrow but will go there later  after the funeral.

I will just speak about the love of Jesus for all of us and about the need to stick with Jesus.There is nothing else to be said.What I have to say is about the love of Jesus.That is all.All kinds of round about speeches are no more needed.Just be plain and simple.Love the Lord with all our heart.Pray to him constantly.Nothing else can give us peace and joy.Whatever I can give to others, I have to give. I have to be strong in the expression of my love or Jesus.

There are statements coming from the Ekm priests and press reviews of their discussions.Lord, thank you for your blessings.

July 8,Monday.

Went to Chy for the funeral.Gave the homily. Returned to Alleppey after meeting Marymma and speaking to Sancta. Went to Thathampally and had lunch at Lizikutty's house.Went to Kalamasserry from there.Met Prof.Philip.He did not say anything about the meeting on the Higher Education meeting.It was Dr.Nanda Gopal who briefed me about it.

Always bad news about the Ekm Archdiocese.People show their aversion.What can be done.There is no forgiveness .All arrogance and hatred.Bringing the Church into shame.

Lord, thank you for giving me the grace to deliver the homily in Malayalam without any problem.

I referred to Billy Graham's comment on the words of the good thief.

Thank you,Lord for giving the gift of my eye-sight.

July 10,wednesday

Yesterday wen to the Mount in the evening for the montly recollection.Fr.Melvettom mentioned Balam and Balak in his reflections.I read this morning the whole chapter in Numbers on Balam's prophecy.

Capt.Cyriac is taking charge of the meeting.It is Ok.I don't have the staff to do the work.He can do it.

I sent Biju to the Insurance office to take the application for reimbursement and gave him a letter of authorization to make changes.

Yesterday, translated a statement of the preists of Ekm at the request of the Cardinal.He looks tired and is at the end of his wits.All the steps that are taken bring negative results.The priests are getting more support because of the actions taken on the Aux.Bps.All are unwarranted steps, highly provocative.

Feel sad for him. Actions are taken very suddently and without a broader thinking.

I will grade the papers of the students today.

July 12,Friday

Will be going to the Mount.Will spend the time reading the document on Education.Will offer all my cooperation for the success of th emeeting.

On 27^th, I have the memorial mass for Fr.Thuruthmaly.

I have to go and come back early.

Nothing else is to be done.Just read the Bible and pray hard and long.The Lord is my life.He has given me life back again through the surgery.I can read and write.What a blessing.

July 13,Saturday

Tomorrow Johnachan and Leelamma are leaving for the States.Santhu had a daugher born two days ago.

God bless them.I am managing with my eyes surgery, with drops applied to my eyes every day.

In today's Gospel meditation, I read the prayer of Jesus at Gethsemany.I have to pray continuously as Jesus has asked the apostles to pray.TheLord has given me all that I need.I have to thank him and offer my heart and soul to him.Lord, thank you for your love.Now I can see everything clearly.

Went to the Mount.Read some parts of the Draft on Education.

Had lunch there.The Cardinal was there.Did not have much interaction.

Went to Johnachan and Leelamma's house. Prayed for their safe journey.God bless them.

I have to spend more time in prayers. I have nothing else to do.Only my Lord is my help.Thank you Jesus for this vision.I have to read the Bible ,pray and praise the Lord.

There was one person with whom I could share my thoughts.Now, she is gone.She was aupposed to live longer because of her family history and health.But everything was over within no time.Lord, bless her.Not a day passed without sharing the events of the day with her.A big vacuum in life.Now , there is no one to talk to.

July 14,Sunday

Spoke to Jogy,Josh and Sajan.All are doing OK.Sajan spoke about the new house  and Deepa spoke about Alka's new friend who is a Marthomite.Paul is very slow about finishing his studies.

I should not be worried about their lives.I have to think of asking for forgiveness in my life.I am the one who is more base.I have fallen into atrocious failures.Lord,have mercy one me.There is nothing I can do.It is beyond any repair.They are my own failures.

I miss A.When she was alive, I could talk to her and share verything with her.Thought life will go on like this for a longr time.But that is changed.It is the same with all.All the famous people have passed away.All the dreams and plans have disapperead with their death.That is true of my life.I have to find my happiness in the Lord.Nothing else can giv eme happiness.In todya's Gospel, in Mark, in response to a man's question with regard to eternal salvation ,Jesus spoke about the need to love the Lord with all one's heart and to love the neighbor as oneself.That is all what I have to think about.Jesus never asked about one's sins.Jesus just forgives them their sins.I have to find strength in the forgivenss of Jesus.He is the one who gives me joy nad peace.A is gone forever.I won't  be able to get her advice or sharing.Nor will it be possible for me to get another person to share my life.With A , my sharing was total.God,  bless her.In the last few days of her life, it was difficult to share.She had more ailments and difficulties.She could share them with me.But all that sharing is over.I have to depend on the Lord.Just pray and praise and leave everything to him.

Monday,July 15

It is raining now.Johnachan left last night for the States. Mathaichan came here in the evening with Allen.

In the Gospel, Jesus is talking to the Samaritan woman about the living water and the village people beleiving in him .He stayed in the village for two days.My Jesus,you are the living water for me.Keep me in your love.

Protect me.Faith in you is enough for the living water to flow into my life.Whatever that prevents the flow of the living water is to be avoided.Strong and ardent faith in Jesus as the Saviour of my life is what creates the flow of the living water.

Worked with Captain to find more resource persons for the conference.