The Passing away of Prof.K.K.John

It was with great sadness that I received the news of the passing away of Prof.K.K.John.Tony, his son, called me a few days ago about his admission in the Pushpagiri hospital. I thought he would get over the crisis and would spring back into life. But it was not to be.We lost a great teacher who was always ready to come to the assistance of any one. He was a very talented teacher of physics and was very passionate and eloquent in his classes. I cannot forget his cheerful and welcoming face.  He was always very respectful and courteous. He  was not only a powerful presence in the campus but also was the same outside the campus.Was very helpful to the Cathedral as well as to the Archdiocese.Always found time for public service.May God grant him eternal rest.
I was there at the funeral and gave the homily at the request of the family. It gave me an occasion to offer my personal homage to him.

Thank you-15

Dec.17

Tomorrow is the anniversary of my ordination. I will go to the Mount in the morning to say the mass in the chapel and come home for lunch. All the members of the family would be coming for lunch.

A time to thank the Lord for his blessings. I have to remember all the members of my family in my mass tomorrow. So too I have to remember all my friends and relatives who passed away. I too will be joining them one day. Time is running out for me. Some of my friends who were ordained with me have already left their abode here for heaven. My time too will come soon. I have to prepare myself for my eternal life.My confidence comes from the words of the Lord that he would not abandon anyone who acknowledges him. Also, he has told several times to forgive one another without any limits. That means He will also forgive us. Our sins are laid at his feet to be washed by him. Sheen has written once that once we have confessed and received forgiveness, we should not get worried about our sins. Jesus has already forgiven us.

Lord, thank you for everything you have given me.I can read and write and still use my talents and resources in praising and adoring you.

Dec.18, Wednesday

I had a call from Fr.Vincent about having a common lunch today at the Mount. Since I have already made arrangements for the family to come for lunch, he changed the plan and asked me to come at 10.30 am. I agreed and reached thereby 10.15 am. All gathered for a coffee break and we had a common cake cutting ceremony. Curia Bp offered greetings. After that, I went up to say mass and then returned by 12 noon. When I reached home, all were there. Liju and the children were also there.It was a good gathering.

Thank you Lord for this day .I have to be more prayerful and holy.Fr.Alumparampil called to offer his greetings. Fr.Kottaram called and we spoke for a few minutes.

One more anniversary is over.

Dec.19,Thursday

The 52^nd anniversary is over.God has given me a new year to renew myself, to imbibe the spirit of the Gospel totally into my life.This will be an opportunity to say my masses with great devotion and attention.There should be no occasion for getting angry with people or show my irritation.

Today in the Gospel, the passage that I read was about Jesus curing the illness of Peter's mother-in-law and of the leper.The Leper tells Jesus to heal him and Jesus lays his hand over him and cures him.I should ask the Lord everyday to lay his hand over me and to heal me.

Lord, I place myself totally before you.Be with me all the time.Be my strength. Transform me. Heal me.

Lord, all the friends you gave me are all with you.there is nobody with whom I can talk and discuss my views on persons and things.I offer that loneliness to you.The loss of A was a terrible loss.She was my English teacher too!I am also reaching the end of my tether.I have to find my solace and comfort in the Lord.

On friday,Dec.20th—went to Anakara via Kumily to say an office for the dead for Sr.Mercykutty's mother who passed away two days ago.It was a tiring jouney but we made it and returned that night itself , reaching Ekm around 3 am!

Sunday Dec.22—Staying at home and spent time watching the news.

Dec.23,Monday

I am at the Mount , watching the news of the election results of Jharkhand.BJP is losing and the Congress alliance is winning.The hubris of BJP is smashed.For a week, huge demonstrations against the Bill on citizenship have been going on and they challenged the pride and boastfulness of BJP. They were trying to attain their ideological ends by hook or by  crook.

I just sent through Biju cakes for the members of my family here in EKM.I have not done anything like that recently.These are the days when I should be praying more.Nothing else is important.for me, all positions and promotions are no more important.Jesus alone is enough.

Today, in my meditation on the Gospel, I read the passage on the healing of the centurion's slave and sending a message to John the Baptist: Jesus is healing and comforting all.I have to attach myself to Jesus .He is my strength.I have to be silent,private and unobtrusive.I have to do gracefully whatever I have to do in life.

Thank you Lord for your love

Dec.25,Wednesday

Christmas.Said mass at the Mount on Dec.24^th at 11am.They wanted me to be the main celebrant. Fr. Kavilpurayidom sang for the mass.I gave the homily.Brief.The sisters expressed their appreciation of the homily.Thank you Lord for giving me the blessings to give a good and short homily.My main points:

Greatest love story, Jn 3,16.Emmanuel.Chesterton's words: those who are on the top of the hill see everything as small while for for those in the valleys, everything is big. Appreicate all. Havard Prof.'s words—not the money but the enrichment of the lives of the people who live with us.BBC news reporter visiting the Santa at his house in Finland, asking for his message.His reply : Be nice to people at least for a day.

As a whole everything went well.Thank you Lord, for this opportunity.

Came home.Had a nice lunch. Biji and the children are here.

Lord, thank you for this day to remember your birth and life.By the grace of God, everything went smoothly.I felt happy in having got the chance to say the mass and to give the homily.God helped me to have a good voice while giving the homily.

In the morning for the breakfast , all were seated close by.

Prof.Philip called this evening and asked whether it would be possible to have a meeting at 10 am on Dec.27^th.

Dec.26,Thursday

Did not do much.Started reading the book on the missionary work in NY. At the Mount now.I have to depend totally on Jesus.

Dec.27,Friday

Lord, thank you for this day.Read the Gospel Lk Ch.7 on love and forgiveness.The woman anointing the feet of Jesus with her tears and perfume , receiving the forgiveness of Jesus.That incident is enough to feel peace in one's heart.Whatever my be our sins, our tears of repentance will be accepted by Jesus and our sins, our failures, our lapses will be forgiven.Lord, thank you for your blessings.I should not think of my sins and imperfections any more.I have to think in what way I can spread the love of Jesus and be a good person.

Today, -- will be going to the Xime and may go to the Mount for lunch.

Spent the day at the Xime.Had a meeting with Prof.Philip at 10 am.It was a discussion on the starting of the coaching centre.I told him to appoint Abraham Kurien with a good remuneration . Was reluctant to commit himself to the offer I suggested saying that it is too high.

Introduced the topic of administrative changes.He and Kuncheria are firm on their

decision saying that it is the right of the management.They did not realize the harm that they had inflicted on the present staff.

Well, let it go as they have decided.They have fallen under the influence of VOS who has convinced them of his influence in Trichur Archdiocese!

Dec. 28^th,Saturday

Did begin writing on Cardinal Newman.Met the Cardinal at lunch.His trip to Calcutta went OK.Planted the lemon sapling.

Had a talk with K.A. Georgekutty.

Dec.31, Tuesday.

It is now 8.30.p.m.The end of the year and within a couple of hours , all will be getting ready for the New Year.I was at XIME the whole day and went to the Mount after 4p.m. I could not meet any of the fathers.All have left for different functions.Spent some time in the chapel, thanking the Lord for the blessings given to me.Lost some of my good friends—Prof.KTS, Fr.Thurthumaly, Fr.Kazhukachaly and Fr.Jose Chiramel.The loss is very deep.They were the people with whom I did engage in conversations. Kazhukachaly used to call me every other week.If I did not hear from  him, I would give him a call.All those contacts were gone.Last year's losses were also very severe.Loss of Fr.Mepreth and A. A was a great pillar of support with whom I could share everything , my ups and downs  in  life.She is gone for ever.Never will I get anyone replacing her.All my thoughts now remain with me.I now think more of Josy too.She was also a person I could share some of my thoughts. Only memories and mental pictures remain with me.They constantly come to my mind.God bless them and give them His eternal joy.I am sure the Lord will bless all those who believe in him.That is what He has said in the Gospel.Our sins and failures would be forgiven.Our faith is the most important thing in life.Jesus himself has said: the one who has not committed a sin may throw the first stone.That shows that everyone is a sinner.So we know that Jesus will forgive our sins.Lord have mercy on me and forgive my sins.

Jan.1,Wednesday,2020.New Year

Lord, thank you for giving me the opportunity to experience this New Year.Let me be useful to you.Let me be your instrument to carry your love and compassion.When I convey the compassion and mercy of Jesus, I am also healed.God's mercy flowing through me will wipe away all the stains of my sins.Why should I feel ashamed of my sins? I am an ordinary ,frail human being , liable always to weaknesses and failures.I have to depend on Jesus for my strength and happiness.That is why he told us to be attached to him like a branch to the vine plant.My strength comes from him.The sap of his grace flowing through me does give me life.O Lord, allow your life to flow through me.

Today in the Gospel, read about the multiplication of the loaves in
Ch.9 of Lk.In my life, I have to  multiply the gifts God has given me.My daily life should be a series of occasions of multiplying the mercy and compassion of Jesus.

Today, will be going to Xime and in the evening will go to the Mount.

2.30p.m.

I said mass at Xime and prayed to the Lord for his grace to guide me through the year.

All the ministerial staff came and wished me a happy new year.

Called Alumparampil,Kottaram and Joychan and wished them a happy new year. It looks like it would be difficult to leave at night after the meeting on IAS training because of the Moslem rallies at Marine Drive.I may have to stay here for the night as there is a meeting tomorrow at 9 am for the staff of St.Thomas College. I have to be present for the meeting and then will leave around lunch time for the Mount.

8pm

I am staying at my room at XIME. The discussion was good.Since I contacted Abraham Kurian about his willingness to take up the assignment,it dispelled their anxiety with regard to his willingness to take up the post.I was thus more involved in the discussions.Dr.E.M.Thomas' presence was also very helpful. They brought dinner.

Thank you Lord for your blessings. Bp.Tony was also present.

Jan.3,Friday

Yesterday, gave the inaugural speech for St.Thomas staff meeting. They appear to be a very docile staff.

Abp.Andrews Thazhath came in the afternoon. Attended the talk by Sebastian VO.He was giving a nice talk on salesmanship—clear and articulate.

Prof.Philip wanted the resume of EM Thomas.Got it from him and gave it to Dima to give to the President.

Biju  went and  got the fast tag from the Federal Bank.Gave Rs 600.He took Rs.100 for petrol, gave them 400. They have a commission for 200.I deposited later Rs.500 from my Credit card to their Fast tag Recharge Account.

The meeting continues today. They have a priests' meeting today.I may stay there for the night.

Meditation on Transfiguration.I have to pray hard for s spiritual transfiguration in my life.Lord, I offer this new year for you.Make me an instrument of your love.Help me to deepen my repentance and my love for you.

Thanks 14

Dec.1

Today is the beginning of Advent. Jogy left for the US. Said mass at the chapel as Davis came to give me the ride. I have one more class tomorrow and will have to send the question paper. Tomorrow evening, they have the Christmas celebration and there will be a mass on Dec.3.

Biju was given the salary of Rs.14,000 yesterday. Second time a reduction of Rs.1000 was made.Three more reductions remain.

Tomorrow I will ask them to make speeches on two topics—Violence against women and the failure of Indian economy—Preventive measures. I have to make two teams. Make a list of students who have to speak.Give them topics at the beginning of the class. Three in each group.

Lord, help me to grow in my love for you.Let these twenty five days be the time to prepare myself to grow close to you. I will read a chapter or two from Isaiah every day. Make a prayer out of it.

Read Isaiah 25---It is a praise of the Lord .It offers Him full-throated praise and worship, thanking the Lord for the protection given to mankind.

Read two chas and will spend my days during this Advent reading the BK of Is.Dec.3,Tuesday

I said mass at XIME at 8am as today is St.Francis Day,The second day of Gregorian. I left here at 7.15 am and reached there around 7.45am.All the faculty and Dr.Nandagopal were there for the mass.Thank you Lord for giving me the voice to say the mass. After that, there was a common breakfast.Today ,I had nothing special as the classes were over.I was free but I used the time to grade the assignments.Tomorrow, I will finish them.I will spend more time in reading and praying.Sent a draft of the convocation address to the Curia Bp and he can use the whole or parts of it.Thank you Jesus for the time given to me today.

In the morning,I yawn a lot and feel sleepy.Hence I cannot read much. It is still unbelievable that A is not here.She has often spoken about her life after death and meeting the Lord.Now, she is there.All those who were in my life in one way or another are in heaven now.I have to live in expectation of this heavenly life and live a life worthy of that.I firmly believe on the words of Jesus that he would not abandon me.

Nov.5,Thursday

Yesterday, I emailed the grades of their assignment to Sema.She may enter them.

I will spend some time in reading the history of the Church.

I read this morning,Jn cha.4, the conversation between Jesus and Samaritan woman.Jesus offers living water to her.He offers the same to me too.I have to draw the living water from Him.God be merciful to me.

Nov.6.Friday

I am at the Mount.Did not do anything. Said mass.That is enough for me.Read a few pages from the History of Catholic Church on the Crusades

MABP was elected the President of KCBC.It is a good change.He will have something to do or say on a wider platform.Offered my congratulations to the Cardinal.I was in the chapel when the Cardinal was welcomed at the reception at the Mount.I did not know that he had come.

It is now midnight and I am in my room.I will sit here and read until sleep comes.I won't waste my time.The Lord has been so good to me.I will cooperate with all in the various activities at the Mount as well as at XIME.

Mathaichan mentioned that they had cancelled the marriage proposal on account of the non-cooperation of the family.Let it go.Pray and look for someone else.God bless them.

Nov.7,Saturday

Went to the Mount.Just typed out the welcome speech read a few pages from the History of the Church dealing with Albigensian heresy. Inquisitions and deaths on account of the heresy.12^th and 13^th centuries were the years of great turmoil.The Crusades from Europe to free the Holy Land.Thousands of people left for Europe but a lot of them lost their lives.The Moslem rulers also killed thousands of local Christians.What a tragedy! Thousands of people have lost their lives.

Dec.8,Sunday

Today is the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. Parel Church Feast. Said mass at the chapel here.Thank you Lord for the time given.I will spend it for you.

Read the link of the book Organizational Behavior by Robbins sent by Jojo on Dec. 2.Went through the first chapter.I will read a few more pages tomorrow.Will carry the I pad along with me.The Lord has given me the time to read and absorb new ideas.These will come handy in preparing myself better for preaching the Scriptures.

Fr.Karukakalm passed away.The viewing of his body at the priests' home on Tuesday at 4p.m.Most probably, I will go for viewing.He was good to me while he was at Thathampally.God bless him.The only way I can show my solidarity is by attending the funeral or viewing.Nothing else is possible.My opportunities are very limited and I have no more any public role.But I should not withdraw from the scene .I have to use all my resources to proclaim the Word. God has given me so many blessings: my education, my job as the Principal and as the VG.I should be using all these.I cannot just slink away.Who has got a Ph.D. in English from the US here?Very few.So I should use all these gifts for Jesus.

I still cannot accept the fact that A has passed away.What a gift she was.Very encouraging and inspiring.Taking care that I have the best of everything.Always bought the best clothes for me.With what a great hope that she went to live with D!When they expressed the difficulty of installing hot water pipes in her room, I suggested that she should move into a senior residential place.After a few weeks of my arrival , I got the sad news of her passing away.She did not get the love that she gave to her mother.That is God's will.Nothing can be said against that.It was time for her to leave.So also, I lost J.She used to argue and quarrel.But she lost her health and memory.Could not speak well and was confined to a hospital. Remember visiting her a few days before her fall, after celebrating my birthday at St.Pat with the Indian food brought by Chakochan. I went there because of a dinner appointment that was promised before the surprise party. God bless her.

Dec.9,Monday

I have to do some reading today.Have to remain strong in nurturing my faith.This evening is the monthly reflection and also the celebration of the feast of the sisters.I will stay there and take medicine with me.Will not go for the funeral as it will be very tiresome.Let me pray over it.I will spend time before the Lord.Thank you ,Jesus.

Dec.12,Thursday

Yesterday,went to the Mount when I got a call from the Cardinal and spent the whole day there.The good thing was that I could correct the circular as well as the speech for him for the Calcutta meeting.Got the computer inverter replaced by Toshy.It is working well.That is good news.Today will go to XIME although another big ecumenical meeting is taking place at the Mount today.

Went to Xime and spent the whole day.

Fr.Tomy came round 2p.m. I spent sometime with him.Then, I was invited for a meeting with them and Prof.Philip ,Cyriac nd VO Sebastian.Later, I was invited again for a meeting on the IAS training and for tomorrow's meeting.This is the first time I heard them especially Sri Cyriac telling that they are not fully using my talents.It made me happy that they were acknowledging my presence. God has a moment for everyone.

Went to the Mount in the evening and could meet Abp.Perumthottam. Congratulated him on the steps taken and urged him to move forward with confidence.I could do that much at least.

Dec.13,Friday.

Came to Xime around 6.30 am as Biju had to go to the airport to pick Liju.Went to my room there.Said mass.The Breakfast was brought around 7.30 am.Came back to my room. Sudeep came to repair the printer and hence I could take a print out of the speech. Went to room 120 for inauguration. Gave the welcome speech—narrated two experiences—one my homily preparation at Notre Dame Uty and then, the PG board of studies.I think I gave a good speech—also giving credit to PCC,Prof.Philip and Dr.Alexander.

One Vigi Parakal and his wife(Sidney,Australia) came to visit at 2pm .Before that , Joychan and Bobby came round noon. Sri Abraham Kurian reached around 2.30.

Will do some corrections.It is now 4p.m.There is a meeting at 6pm on IAS/Competitive Exam training.

Thank you ,Lord , for your blessing and for giving me the ideas for a welcome speech. I have to do more work and offer it to the Lord.

Dec.14,Saturday.

Today is the conclusion of the teachers' meeting of St.Thomas college.They look like a satisfied and contented group of teachers.Young and talented.

Had a meeting last night for the IAS coaching centre. Christi Fernandez gave a long intervention on the feasibility of starting an IAS coaching c.One James Mattom of Chanakya franchise offered his suggestions. Still, the question of starting the centre remains unsolved. They need more time for thinking.

Abraham Kurian read out the portions of the questions---highly loaded and pro-RSS.

Thank you Lord for your blessings.

11am—I am here at Xime.Met Prof.Michael Tharakan and Mar Tony Neelankavil who is here for the morning session.Prof.Tharakan mentioned one Prof.Francis of St.Thomas as a great historian and about the fine training they received at UC college. Tharakan recognized me when he saw me.

Abrham Kurian was seen off when I came down after the inaugural ceremony.

Will spend time here and grade the papers.

Dec.15 Sunday

Will send a reply to Pius.I got a Christmas card from Pius. That was a generous gesture on his part.I will mail a letter to him tomorrow. God bless him.I have the answer books to grade. I will start doing it from this evening onwards. Lord, purify my heart. Help me to be totally attached to you.

Today in the reading from the Bible, I came across the passage where Jesus was calling Mathew to follow him.this is a call for me too. I will have to follow him totally and wholeheartedly in my life. Nothing should distract me.

St.Thomas teachers left after the sessions. I did not see them.I left around 5p.m.They seemed to be satisfied and contented.

SB is passing through a rough time. It is all due to bad appointments to management positions.

Dec.16^th, Monday

Christmas is just around the corner. Next week falls the most beautiful day of the year. I will be spending the eve at Mount St.Thomas.I have to reflect deeply on the meaning of Christmas personally for me. In the morning meditation on the Gospel passage, I find Jesus healing the leper and giving him health and happiness even though it was a Sabbath.

My Jesus, you never ask for any explanations or blame the person for his lapses or sins in life. You just give whatever the person wants. Your overwhelming generosity is transforming and changes the personality of the person. Thank you, Lord, for your compassion and mercy. Forgive me .Reach out to me. Place your loving hand on me and transform me.

Thanks,13

Thanks-13

Nov.3,Sunday

So many things have happened in the last few days.Francis from Chicago sent a message about his brother's funeral at 11 am on Saturday,Nov.2.Went to Alleppey but the funeral was over by then as they started it at 10 a.m. Saw Francis. He explained that he thought he had informed me.Then , went to Xime and spent a couple of hours there .Also saw off Dr.Mercia who was transferred to Chennai.A couple of days ago , she came to me to speak about her transfer and asked me whether I could engage the rest of her classes in Business Ethics.I agreed to do it as I thought it would be easy.Now , I realize that I have to do a lot of reading and my knowledge of the matter is very limited.

But this is something I wanted to do and I was very eagerly waiting for an occasion to do this.I thought I could do it at S.B.College.But they had  their  own faculty.So I took this as a God-sent opportunity and I decided to do it for the Lord. I will not see it as a burden. Let me see what I can do in this matter.

Tomorrow, I have to begin my classes.Let me see whether I can do some general introduction to ethical decisions from my knowledge of moral laws.I will speak about conscience, Natural Law,Aristotle's discussions on this –Nicomachean Ethics.

Lord, thank you for this opportunity.Help me to teach this topic well.

This evening,Rajan A called me to speak about the problems at the college—created by a teacher in the Dept of Maths. What Can I say? I told him that nobody can destroy the reputation of the college.

Nov. 11,Monday

Last week, I was busy with the classes.I did not have any time as I was reading and preparing notes.A few days more are needed to finish the portions. I was coming early in the morning in the last week for three days.

Saturday,went to Thathampally for Koippally mass. Fr.Mancherikalam was also there.He gave the homily and sang at the mass.I did not have to do anything.

Sunday,I went to Thiruvalla for Tomy (Nelco)'s son's marriage.A lot of priests were there.They said the mass and preached.I did not have to do anything.Two days of long rides.Sitting became  difficult. 

This morning,I had the class on Whistle blowers  and corruption for the A batch.I felt more confident this time.I made the students speak at the end of the class,Three of them spoke.Called them from the back.That was  a good experiment.Thank you Lord for this opportunity.

Nov.15,Friday

Today, I had a class for Section B.Took the class on Corruption and whistle blowers.

The class went Ok.It was a small class as a few were absent.

Nov.18,Monday

On Saturday, went to Mathaichan's place .

Sunday, I was here at home ,preparing the notes for the classes.At night several calls came .Spoke with KAG and AKV on the college situation.Benny from the Dept of English called to say that he was appointed the Vice-Principal.A good choice.He is mature and balanced, respectful and responsible.Called to thank me for his appointment as well as for being a model principal to them.Thank you Lord for making me do the  corrections without offending the people.

I  feel the absence of A. I still feel that I would hear from her soon and that she has  not passed away.I won't have any one to talk to as I used  to in the past.She was always there to listen to and to give her opinion.I can even make corrections in my life and inform her.

But these classes that I am teaching now keep me busy and take away the memories  of her absence as my mind is busy with class work.

Nov. 19,Tuesday

Since there was no class today, I felt very relaxed and spent time in reading the  newspapers.Tomorrow, there are the presentations and the quiz. Hence I don't have to do the teaching.

Nov 20,Wednesday

The presentations were done today.The quiz was held in Moodle and the students got the questions on their computers exactly at 9.50am and was on until 10.10. That was well organized.

After that, everything went OK and I just used the time to complete the translation of the Missionary circular and the draft of a letter for the inter-Church council.

Thank you ,Lord for the time given and  for keeping me engaged.As  the subject is new, it keeps me engaged through the preparation of notes and the classes.

When  some doors close, Jesus opens others  for me.When I look back, I feel grateful to God for the way in which he has guided me.Others are also  getting blessings when they keep close to God.I know I am not worthy .

Joemon  called me tonight to invite me to his daughter's betrothal at Irinjalakuda. He also wanted to find out whether he could meet the  Major Abp.

Went to say an office for the dead for the wife of Louvain PT Chacko. Met her daughter Seena,then sister in law from Chy—Karimattom. She said I gave her admission and I was her Principal.

Lord, thank you for your blessings.Help me to come closer to you.In the last few days, I was busy with the work of teaching.Reading and preparing notes! But I have to do it properly. For my own good and for the students' knowledge.

Nov.22,Thursday

Fr.James Parappally passed away.It was from the Cardinal that I got the news first, when I went to meet him yesterday.Today the papers carried the news with a good picture of his. He was a very hard working and  dedicated priest.He would commit himself totally to the work he is engaged in  especially in visiting the sick etc.He would not waste time but would always be actively involved.His walk was always brisk ; so also was his life.I am glad that I got  a chance to meet him at the hospital when he was fully awake.God bless him.

Yesterday,I went to the Collectorate for mustering(life certificate), but the clerks wanted more documents.So I went again this evening with the pension document.He then brought the book for signing.He could have done it yesterday but he was a little obnoxious.Today, the ladies at the Treasury were showing more understanding and they called in somebody to do the work but then he appeared and was willing to do it.He then said it was great that I came back  as they were on the point of withholding my pension.

It is successfully done.Thank you Lord for asking me to go today itself.

Yesterday met Joemon  at the Mount and I told him that I would be coming for his daughter's betrothal the next day.The Cardinal asked him to help with the construction of the museum through a family sponsorship!

Today, I had the morning class but the time was given for the presentations—two.They are not well prepared except for two girls—Madhavy and Divya(?).

Thank you Lord for the blessings.

I watched the hearings on CNN.Although all the  commentators spoke about quid pro quo,there was no evidence of it.A president could ramble on many things in his conversations. You cannot just pick a few words and use them against him as a reason for impeachment.I am surprised at the stupidity of these commentators and news analysts.All the witnesses who were brought forward did not have any solid evidence.

Nov 23.Saturday.

Went to Irinjalakuda for the betrothal. Fr.Poovathumkal, the singing priest  was there.He was very courteous and wanted me to do the betrothal.Surprising  was that the boy's party was Joseph and Elsy from Louisville,Ky.It was when they came for the offertory that I recognized them well.Joel was the groom; he is a dentist now. His younger brother , a doctor! What a surprise!  His brother in law, Johnson Maliekal was also there. I am back here at the Mount.Thought of doing some writing but did not.

God , thank you for your blessings.

Nov.25,Monday

Jogy came this morning.He had a comfortable flight by Quatar in business class.I have a class but only presentations.Then, I will say mass there and will go to Edathua for the funeral of Fr.James Parappally. I think I have enough time to go for the funeral.

Nov.26,Tuesday.

Went to Edathua for the funeral.Remained for the mass and for the final rites.Met Annamma after the funeral.Had lunch on the way to Edathua at Arya's.

Today will be leaving for Kumarakom for the classmates ' meeting.Now we are only three.There is no place for us to meet  and so will be meeting at Dubai hotel in Kumarakom which is close to Muppara's house.

Went to Kumarakom for the classmates' meeting.Discussed some of the happenings in the Church. Shared some of the happenings at the college..

The meal was very heavy.They placed more orders.I have suggested only two items but they included more..Too much.Preparations were very good. I ate more than I usually I eat. So, abandoned the plan to go to Grand Hyatt in the evening. Could not share any spiritual matters as the group is not amenable to such cool discussions. But I have to be careful about my words.When I am with them, I just let loose my thoughts.

Lord, forgive me for my wanton and uncharitable remarks .

The motherly feelings  of my friend  A and the warm  friendship suffused with love and care were  unforgettable.It is only in the last few years that she became burdened with the pain of her bodily weaknesses.Lord,  give her the joy of heaven.

Nov.27,Wednesday

The day before Thanksgiving in the US.

Today,  I have to go early for the class.Two presentations from the two batches.I have to grade their presentations.Also have to grade their assignments.I will do them today after the class.Will go to the Mount after my work at the XIME.

Lord, thank you  for your love.Help me to follow you.Your words to watch out in Mark 14, will be my watchwords today.I will try to be faithful to you in my words and actions today.

Nov.30 ,Saturday.

Jogy will be leaving tonight for the U.S.His presence here  was a source of great joy.Yesterday,went to the Mount at the request of the Cardinal to prepare a message to be read at the wake of James.He was only in his late sixties. God bless him.He was very kind and courteous.

Today ,went to the Mount and said mass and then returned for lunch at the Grand with Jogy and the family.Just had rice and curry.No special.

Lord , thank you for your love and protection.I know how wretched I am but you have preserved me and protected me.Lord , help me to work for you.I won't pass any negative comments against any one.

Thanks,12

Thank you-12

Oct 10,Thursday

Tomorrow  XIME has a quiz programme and other festivities.Maybe ,I will come here in the morning and see parts of the programme and will leave for the Mount for a late lunch.

I was reading a write up in the America magazine on Cardinal Newman.I think I should write an article on Newman especially because of his emphasis on Higher Education.

The  takeaways from Cardinal Newman are the following, according to America magazine:

1.Higher Education. 2.Community life 3.Doctrinal development

Oct 13,Sunday

Just watched the live telecast of the canonization of Mariam Thresia, the founder of the Holy Family Congregation. It was  during this  mass that Cardinal Newman was also canonized.Not much was said  about the contributions and the sanctity of Cardinal Newman as the telecast here was focused on Mariam Thresia. May the Lord help us to become better Christians , following in their footsteps.

Wanted to write a short essay on the life of Newman.I will start doing it today because his contributions and sacrifices are immense.

Lord, help me to become a better proponent of the Christian faith.

Oct.14,Monday

Went to Champakulam in connection with the feast to say a  mass for the sick. Prof.KJ George was there for the mass.He spoke about the difficulty of walking.He was one  of the rare breed of teachers who was very active on the campus.By the grace of God, I could say mass well although it was tiring to say mass alone. I realized how old age is catching up with me.People helped me when I walked over the steps.They realized my weakness.Somehow, without any difficulty , I said the mass loud and clear and gave  a short homily about the presence of Jesus helping us to overcome  our weaknesses.I  cited the examples of the lady afflicted with  cancer in Philadelphia and also of George Vettom. Mentioned the importance of Champakulam by referring to  the remark of the President of Notre Dame University, Fr.Malloy, reminding me about the antiquity of the churches in Kerala.

Thank you Jesus for taking care of me.Your love is immensely great.I realize how weak and sinful I am .You help me in spite of my failures and weaknesses.

I have been preoccupied in the last few days about the lack of friendship on account of the passing away of a friend of mine.She was such a source of constant inspiration, advice, correcting and encouraging.Now, it is all gone. There is nobody now in my life who can take her place.Of course, in the last couple of years, she felt more sickly and was more concerned with her fragility and weakness. There was more complaining in her voice.Now that chapter is gone.Jesus wants me to depend on Him totally.No more dependence on any one.I have to deepen my love for Jesus.By thinking and reflecting on Jesus and praying to him, I can do penance  for my failures.

Kunchappan , the presidenti of the feast was very gracious and he took me to his house.Jessy , his wife, was there.

Oct.16,Wednesday

Wrote a response to the Deepika news about the education reform bill by the State Govt.I could not believe that I could write even now in Malayalam.Somehow I managed to write a few pages , scanned it and sent them to the paper. Sudeep scanned it fast and got them attached.I just clicked “send.” In that way, this time my effort was minimal in sending it.

Thank you,Lord, for giving me the energy to write and send it.Even though my official duty is over, still I felt the need of writing it.That means, I should keep myself busy without worrying about  any official position.

Oct.17,Thursday

In the reading from the Gospel,Mt.15, Jesus is praising the faith of the Canaanite woman who was persistent in her request to Jesus for healing her daughter.The apparent refusal of Jesus in the beginning did not deter her.She continued her request and even gave very apt responses to the refusal of Jesus to help the non-Jews.Her faith was praised immensely by Jesus.After that, many with great infirmities came to Jesus for healing and all were helped.I should also continue my prayers for healing, for forgiveness and for the deepening of my faith.There should be no reluctance in praying.Even if my weaknesses continue, I should not cease from asking.

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Oct.20,Sunday

Went to Chalakudy for the marriage of Augustine's son.I had to say the mass and give the homily. No help for communion distribution.Was tired but felt Ok . I imagined how it would be with the presence of Reena and Thomaskutty at this wedding. Returned immediately after.

All those props of my friends are gone.I am confined to my own thoughts.I know I should not put myself totally in such thoughts.I have to resume doing what I have to do keeping in mind that my goal is to make known the name of Jesus.It is Jesus who gave these dear souls in my life.He will give new people.I have to do what I have to do.Read more and pray more. I have to help people and feel happy and contented.God has given me enough.That is sufficient.

Oct.21

It is raining outside.Today is the bye-election day.Many may not go for voting because of the rains.

I will spend today for the Lord.Will go to the Mount in the evening and see whether I can meet the priests there.Lord, thank you for your blessings.Help me to grow close to you and let me feel happy in your protection and love.

This morning, I got a call from the Abp after his return and he referred to my article in the Deepika. Then only, I came to know that it was published .Thank you Lord for this blessing.I don't think there would be another chance for me to publish another article.But today , it did happen.I praise you and adore you Lord for this blessing.Once more, I could prove that I would be able to write and to publish. Dr.E.M.thomas also called in the morning to congratulate me on the article, saying that it was written very logically and with the knowledge coming from experience. Thank you Lord.I was really anxious about its publication as there happened a few days of delay for its publication.

I don't have to be worried about anything.Use all the opportunities that are available to me.

Also I watched this morning mmm English on you tube on correct pronunciation and accents.That is a good source of information.

Tonight I am at Mount St.Thomas and attended one of the meetings with the sisters and  priests.

Oct.24,Thursday

Yesterday went to Chy to say an office for the dead for the mother of Fr.Jose Kottayil. Thomaskutty sent me the information concerning her demise.I felt somehow an inner urging to go to his house and say the prayers although it was a tedious journey. This is all that I can do.God has given me a car and a driver and so I thought I should pay my homage.Even if it is tiring, this is something that I could do as God has given me health for such ventures. There  will come a time when I cannot do such things.

Today, I am at Xime and it is already 12 noon.I haven't done any serious work.

The results of the bye elections are not good for the UDF as they lost some of their traditional seats.Over all,it is Ok as they are leading in three.So too in Haryana, the Congress is doing well.

I will write more scriptural reflections and prepare notes for the new book,Jottings.

Lord, thank you for the time given to me.I am thankful to you for all the ways in which you have guided and helped me.Let me remain true to you.

Oct.24,Saturday.

Yesterday came to know that Adv.Joseph Koippally passed away at Thathampally. He was a friend of mine, always respectful and courteous.Sorry to hear about his passing away.God bless him.Will go to Thathampally today.

Thank you Jesus for your blessings.Will participate in various events as often as possible.Will use the opportunity to speak about you.

Will have early lunch and leave for Alleppey. 

Know him from his college days. He was very active in the social life of Alleppey.

Leader of the young generation of his time.Very articulate.Fearless in expressing his opinions.

He has shone in all the different fields he was involved—as a lawyer , as a good father, a faithful member of the parish and the community.

Leaves behind him very strong memories.

The words of Jesus for our consolation.I am the resurrection and the life.He who believes in me has eternal life.

The words of the wife of Billy Graham—just these words on the tombstone—the detour is over,thanks for your patience.

Koipally has a message similar to this—My life is over.Thank you for accepting me.

The greatest evangelizer from his prison wrote to his disciple—I have run my race.I am waiting for the crown of justice

Oct 26

Went to Alleppey and was requested to be the celebrant for the funeral.The Vicar gave the homily.I returned from the service at home to the church and did the prayers in the church.Did not go  to the cemetery. Later, after reaching Ekm, I got a call from Cyril , thanking me for my presence.I did go on my own initiative.

Oct.27,Sunday

Did not do much.Said mass and read the papers.Saw in the news the attack and the killing of the Isis leader, Bagdadi. Nothing else.President Trump gives a very graphic and dynamic account of the attack.His speech was very good.He mentioned the atrocities committed by this terrorist against Christians , women, innocent people etc.CNN tries to find fault with his description and his reference to terrorism sponsored by Islamist groups.

Read the book by Billy Graham “Nearer Home” where he describes the advantages of old age by showing from the lives of some oldest people named in the Bible and their ages too. Brazaile in OT who gives food to David when he fled to the desert on account of the rebellion of Absalom.Mentions Methuselah,Enoch,Abraham, Joshua,Moses etc.It is in this book that he refers to his wife,Ruth's request for the words on her tombstone: End of construction.Thanks for your patience.”

Thanks-7

Thanks-7,Aug.15.

Today is the Feast of Assumption and the Independence Day of India.

Lord, help me to spend more time in prayer on this day. After the flag hoisting ceremony and the celebrations, I will be going to the Mount and spend more time in prayer. The Lord is my everything. I will place all my weaknesses and failures before him and ask him to transform them. My joy is in my prayers. The time that is given to me has to be spent in prayers. When I think of  Fr.Thuruthmaly.. and Kazhukachalil.. who were all in constant contact with me in the past months and are no more with me, I realize the transitory nature of time more sharply. In the Gospel that I read for meditation from Mt 16, Jesus asks us to be watchful so that we should not ignore our eternal salvation.There is nothing to be gained if our salvation is in danger. Lord, have mercy on me.

I am at Mt.St.Thomas.Had lunch with the priests .Said mass in the morning here in the chapel.

In the morning , I was at Xime for the Independence Day celebrations. They honoured me well by giving me a special seat. After the ceremony, I  left the place for the Mount.

Here they are doing all kinds of preparations for the beginning of the Synod.The MABP said mass in the morning.

Abp. Sheen on “Sanctiying the Moment”:

P.208 .

All unhappiness comes from excessive concentration on the past or from

extreme preoccupation with the future.

A conscience, burdened with the guilt of past sins, is fearful of divine judgment. But God in his mercy has given us two remedies for such unhappiness: one is the sacrament of penance. Nothing in human experience is as efficacious in curing the memory and imagination as a confession.

Confession also heals the imagination, eliminating its anxiety for the future. The second remedy is the sanctification of the moment....we are to leave the past to divine mercy and trust the future to his loving Providence.

Aug.16, Friday

Thank you, Lord, for these fine reflections of Bp.Sheen.He gives the answer to my searching for peace and forgiveness. Handing over the past to the mercy of God and living every moment trusting in the providence of God. We have to live in love and faith. We don't have to be afraid of anything. Lord, have mercy on me. Let me feel confident in my heart.

Today, God gives me another day to spend in prayer and adoration. I will spend my time in prayer at the Mount. I don't have to be worried about my day being used for acquiring any knowledge except for deepening my relationship with the Lord.

I have to prepare myself for my trip to the US. Only ten days more. The Synod begins on the 19^th.

"Every moment brings us more treasures than we can gather.

This moment is my school, my textbook, my lesson.

The university of the moment---the one who accepts God's will in all things escapes such frustration by piercing the disguise of outward events to penetrate to their real character as messengers of the God he loves.

Merton—Thoughts in Solitude

"The psalms are the true garden of the solitary and the Scriptures are his Paradise.

I have found and have known, by your great mercy, that the love of a man's heart that is abandoned and broken and poor is most pleasing to you.

My Father, I know You have called me to live alone with you and to learn that If I were not a mere man, a mere human being capable of all mistakes and all evil, also capable of a frail and errant human affection for you, I would not be capable of being your son.

Let my trust be in your mercy, not in myself. Let my hope be in you..."

Aug 17, Saturday

In Mathew 19, Jesus speaks against divorce and for the need to obey the commandments to attain eternal salvation. Lord, I have failed in so many ways. Forgive me and keep me in your company. Nobody can fathom the depths to which one can go. In spite of great training and education, we are susceptible to all kinds of moral failures. Lord, protect me and have mercy on me.

Today, I will be going to Chy for the wedding of Tom Perumpayil's nephew.

From today onwards, I shall not be looking for occasions of glory or fame.No to such thoughts. Be happy with what God has given me. That is all. Praise  God and bear no grudges.

Aug.18, Sunday

Now is the time to prepare for the journey. I have to put everything that I wrote daily in a flash drive. Today I have to go to the Basilica and Muvattupuzha for the betrothals.

This morning,I was Reading Mt.19 where Jesus speaks about the need to forgive without any conditions.He also speaks about the indissolubility of marriage by affirming that the husband and wife become one body and nobody should separate them from that union.It is a perfect way for unity and love and creates on earth an imitation of God's unconditional love for each one of us.It is into that environment of love that the children are born and brought up. All ways of forgiveness and compromises should be practiced in order to preserve that love.
Stephen Covey, a well-known author on management and leadership says that the best leadership in the world is that of a parent. Values, leadership, faith, love, humility, willingness to help, compromise and forgiving are all practiced here.(I have to quote from here in more detail).

When I speak about marriage, I can use the words of the Holy Father: Marriage is a pilgrimage in faith; three things for marriage: please, forget and forgive.

Jesus ' words—A grain of wheat has to fall and decay in order to give new life. The more you go down, the more you go up. It is in giving that we gain. Love involves sacrifices. Humility- not a weakness but a sign of strength. You are not going to be judged on the dollars you have made but  on the number of people you have helped(Harvard Talk---- on humility-- by Christensten)

Aug.19.Monday

I thank you, Lord for this day. Yesterday, I went for the betrothal at the Basilica and later at Muvattupuzha for Asha's sister. I gave the homily at the BASILICA FOR DR.FRANCY'S DAUGHTER. I suppose it went OK. At Muvattupuzha , I was the main celebrant. By the grace of God, everything went OK. On Saturday,went to Chy for Tom's nephew's wedding – with Abp.Perumthottam and Abp.Coorillos.

Today is the beginning of the Synod. The News Channel gives a lot of importance because of the selection of a bishop for Ekm. There was shown on TV a lot of people going over to the Mount to give their memorandum.

Today in the Gospel of Mt.20, Jesus speaks about the laborers in the vineyard and how God is paying the workers according to his generosity. The last and the first are paid the same wages. God's generosity has no limits. We have to depend on God totally. There is no need to be worried. The only thing is that we have to respond to God positively and be willing to follow His will. Lord, thank you for this message.

I may go to the Mount this evening. Just to make my presence felt. Will say the mass there.

Lord, I will never allow myself to be worried. I will just focus on you.

I had a class in the morning and it went Ok.I made them correct some of the mistakes and asked them to give short speeches.

Went to the Mount in the afternoon. I met the MABP very briefly. Someone gave me a brief account of the people who came to the Mount with their protests and rough behavior, yesterday. These are the people who lost all their sense of values and were totally unChristian.It is a great tragedy that some of the priests were behind them to get what they want at any cost.

es.

Lord, have mercy on me. Help me to love you deeply and be close to you. You are the joy of my life. My love for you should overcome the power of my weaknesses. I cannot combat the power of these forces alone, with my own resources. I need You to be present actively in my life. I know you will never abandon me.

Aug.20,Tuesday

In the Gospel of Mathew,  Ch.21.Jesus is making his triumphal entry into Jerusalem and people shout hosanna and greet him warmly and publicly. He then began to teach in the Temple. The leaders come asking for his authority to do so. He responds to them by putting a question to them about the authority of John the Baptist. Through the parables of the vineyard, he tells them about the need to accept Him as their Savior. If not, the opportunity of salvation will be offered to others. This is the moment for me to commit myself to Jesus and accept Him as the Lord of my life. There is nothing else important in my life except the faith in Jesus. Jesus and my faith in Jesus are very important. There is no need for feeling unhappy and depressed. I have to feel joyful and confident and use the last minute of my life by reading and writing for Jesus. I am given opportunities again through the various assignments I still have. I have to use them.

Every day I will meditate on the words of Jesus and find joy in the presence of Jesus. Today too, I  will go to the Mount and say mass there.

Went to the Mount.I was a bit late and reached there only aftr 2.30 p.m.and hence missed seeing the Abp.Met Bp.Joy Alappat and had a cordial talk with him.

All kinds of rumors are flying around with regard to a new appointment for Ekm. Mr.VO Sebastian came to have a discussion on the Leadership Programme and he says that he would see to it that more people would come from Trichur side. 

Aug.21, Wednesday

I was supposed to teach a class but it was canceled as the students had other programmes. So today will be the last day here and tomorrow, being the birthday, I will be at home for lunch. I will do the packing today. I will be going to the Mount at 2p.m and will try to see the MABP, if possible. Will say mass there.

Aug.22

My birthday.I said mass at 11a.m. And after the mass some of the fathers came to my room to offer their greetings.It was a touching show of affection and sensitivity. I was very much delighted at their manifestation of love.

Left for home by 12.The family came for lunch. Even though we were very few in number, still the coming together cemented the family unity.

Bought a stole from Mar Louis.

Aug.23, Friday.Went to the Mount and said the mass. Two meetings were going on there—the meeting of the Major Superiors and of the Forane Vicars. The Synod is trying to find a way out of the crisis. More delay means more time for them to get organized to show their protests. Earlier, people were not with the rebel group. Now they are getting more people to support them.

I have to spend my life in prayer and thanksgiving.How soon all who are loved by me have departed from the world--colleagues, priests, and friends. All those who were in good and loving relationship with me have left for the eternal abode. God, grant them eternal rest and give me your love and forgiveness.

Aug 24,Saturday

Went to the Mount.Said the mass. I had lunch there. Left immediately after lunch. Did all the packing.Will say more prayers and spend time thanking the Lord. Will never show any anxiety or worry.Will totally depend on God. Lord, thank you for your mercy.

I have to feel happy and confident because of my Lord.

Aug.25, Sunday

Thank you, Lord, for this day. Help me to spend this day in prayer. I have to prepare myself spiritually--trying to be united with God. Today,in the Gospel, Jesus reminds me to be watchful and be prepared. That is what I have to do today. Lord, have mercy on me.