Thank you-5
July 17,Wednesday
Lord, I thank you for your blessings.You have kept me
alive and well.I will spend my day thanking you and praising you.Nothing else
is important.I find joy and peace in praising you and adoring you.In the Gospel passage, I read this morning for
my meditation , your words in Jn 6 are very consoling.What you want everyone
is to have faith in you.The one who
believes in you has eternal life.O Lord, how comforting is that message.It is
not my past unworthiness that should be disturbing me .My daily faithfulness to
you is the source of my strength and hope.I have the habit of being disturbed
by my failures.I feel my unworthiness.I have to accept your forgiveness. Once
you have forgiven me, they are forgiven.I should not be worried about them any
more.In spite of my education, reading and writing, I find myself as the most
abject being because of my failures.O Lord, through my
confessions, you have forgiven me.Why should I carry them with me? I have to
move forward and trust in the mercy and forgiveness of the Lord.
Lord, help me to be faithful to you.Today, I will sing
your praises.I will go to the Mount and say mass there.
July 18,Wednesday
Yesterday evening while I was talking with Kochayan, a
call came from Santosh asking me whether I could come to the States for the
baptism and blessing of the house on Sept.2nd.I said yes.Now I have to think of
the dates.
Now, the attraction of visiting A is no more there.But ,
we have to go on.I have to offer mass for A.The divine blood of Jesus will
bathe her and give her the purity of sainthood.She would be praying for me
too.What I have to do is to pray for all and also for forgiveness for me.All
the days of my life should be used to increase the depth of my love for Jesus.
What I can do is to use the time to buy new books and
spend the time in reading.Lord, help me to make the right decisions.
In today's Gospel, I read the the continuation of Ch.6th
where Jesus speaks about the need to put our faith in Him.In Jesus, God reveals himself.When we trust in him,
believe in him, we are are trusting in
God.Nothing more is required from us except the unbounded trust in Jesus.O
Lord, help me to commit myself totally in you.There should be nothing in my
life or in the world hindering this total commitment to Jesus.
Will go the Mount today and say the mass there.
Yesterday was the inauguration of the Clubs at XIME and it went
very well.They all welcomed me and thanked me.When I went to Auditorium, they
greeted me with clapping and the faculty stood up.It was a good gesture.Thank
you Jesus for your love.Give me the grace to be faithful to you.
July 21,Sunday
Today my sugar level came down to 107. From yesterday onward
, as per the suggestion of the doctor, I began to take 9 units of
insulin,Lantus.
Yesterday, I went to Kodupunna for the funeral of
Fr.Kizhedkedam.He was a good friend.Met some of the priests.
Santosh has invited me to bless his house and do the baptism
of his daughter a couple of days ago.I accepted the invitation although my
intention was not to go this summer unless any special invitation comes
along.Then,Santosh calls me.I will pray to the Lord for guidance and
protection.Offer myself to the Lord.Until the Lord calls me , I have to be
doing and be active.Only thing that is needed is to remain close to Jesus.
Yesterday, the priests who were forcibly occupying the Abp's house
ended their stay and fast.What a shameful spectacle they showed to the world
around.Through their actions, they destroyed everything that was beautiful
about our faith: love, forgiveness, compassion. A very poor show of Christian
faith.How will one speak about the beauty of Christian faith? Thank God, it is
over.Such a culture-less group of priests.There is not even a single sane
person who could decry this very unchristian way of demonstration and protest.
The Abp outwardly kept his cool.He was appearing to be
very humorous and funny.Internally , he might have been feeling the heat of the
situation. The Bishops of the Permanent Synod took a firm stand but conceding
some of their demands which were already granted in the Abp's circular which
many of them refused to read in their churches.
July 21 Sunday.
Said mass at the Kannankunnath church and went with Davis
to the Mount.Met the Cardinal. Thought he would be happy.But he appeared to be
gloomy and sullen.When I was coming down, he told me that the Cardinal from
Bombay was there .He was going down to talk with him.Maybe his presence might
have disturbed him. Whatever may be, the actions of the priests were pure
hooliganism and they escaped from the Bishop's house in a spirit of
victory,Such a heinous behavior.Seminary rectors and professors in the group
that represented them.What a poor performance on their part!
Thank you Lord for giving me the opportunity to serve and
love you.Nothing is more valuable than loving you and reflecting on your love
and forgiveness.
Rosh, Sindhu and the family are here.Went to Gracemma's
house and met them there.They came on a surprise visit yesterday.
Still miss A with whom I could share my thoughts and
feelings.She who was such a strong pillar of support on the earth is no
more.She was the one to whom I could confide everything and she would offer her advice. Of course, it is true as she grew older , she lost her ability to laugh and
joke.She was more complaining about her ills and pains.All of a sudden her life
was over.
So too, Thuruthumaly disappeared fast.He was one with
whom I could share although talking with him was difficult as he could not use
any cell phone.Life moves fast and death comes unexpectedly. I have to prepare
myself for the day. Days of life are getting shorter. I
have to remember a few words of Jesus to keep me alive. “ I am with you until the end of the
world.Don't be afraid.Pray continuously.God will grant whatever you ask in his
name.Believe in me and believe in the one who sent me....”
July 23,Tuesday
Today, I am going to Thathampallyfor a mass for Achayan.
Achayan’s life is the source of our lives and is our inspiration.God bless him.
I have booked my ticket for the US –to Newark from
Bombay.
The arrangements for the educational conference are being
done.
Tax is enormous.Today, will be mailing it through the
help of Joymon.
I returned from Alleppey
after saying the mass. Josy,Linu and the children were there. Lissikutty
did all the preparations.
I got my new glasses. It is expensive—Rs. 30,000.What is
the need of saving all the money? I have to use it when it is the right time. I can read well now.So, I think it is
all right.I had a few sneezings at the mass because of the AC in the Car.I was
sitting in the front.
I have to be close to the Lord.Feel very close to
Him.Pray more without any stop.
I miss A very dearly as I have nobody to talk to.What a
change in life.She who was so particular about her health and used to consult
the doctors always had all these health problems.She made the wrong decision to
move with D .D did not pay much attention to the needs of A.A should have
remained at some hospital or old age homes.Her sister in law Anna made the
right decision to sell her house and move to a new place. Well, it is all a
gone case and is no more worth discussing.
July 24th Wednesday
Today in St.John's Gospel, reading about the raising to
Life of Lazarus.Jesus gives him life back.Jesus is with us always.I have to ask
him to raise my spirits , to make me an ardent follower of his.Faith
in him is the most important thing.I should not be worried about my sins and
failures.All are imperfect.Hence, there is no need of crying over spilt milk.
The demise of Fr.George Kazhukachalil.
What a shocking
piece of news.This morning when I opened the obituary page of the
Deepika, I saw his clear picture in the Deepika. A very sad feeling.He used to talk to me almost
every other week.He cooperated with me in arranging get-togethers. I am sorry to
hear about his passing away. He was planning to come here a few months
later.God bless him.I offered today's mass for him.
Today-- finalized the details about the education meetings.
Boris Johnson took up the job of the Prime Minister. He
delivered a powerful speech about what he is going to do in front of 10 Downing
Street.
Thank you Lord for your blessings.
Today, the travel to the US is reserved.Leaving here on
26th and returning on Sept.28th. Everything is to be
offered to the Lord.
July 25th ,Thursday
Tomorrow is the beginning of the Education Seminar.Will
go in the evening to the Mount and say the mass there.
Days are approaching for the trip to the US. It was good
that I changed to Aug.26th.
I have begun reading the Imitation of Christ and the
Confession of St.Augustine.I have to get more spiritual advice in my life.Daily
Bread is also another source of help.My life has to become closer to God.Jesus
alone should be on my lips and heart.There is nothing else than can give me
joy as the Imitation says.Today I read in the Gospel of John , Jesus visiting
Bethany and being anointed by Mary with the most precious ointment.I have to
feel myself anointed by the Lord and wipe away all the dirt from my life with
the nard of God's grace.
July 26 Friday
The education seminar went very well.All the speakers
were present and more than 29 teachers were thre.More from Kottapuram diocese.I
had a small talk in the beginning, introducing the Policy.The two
ladies,Dr.Asha and Mrs.Molly Cyril spoke well.
Thank you Lord. I have to praise you and adore you.
Today, I don't feel sleepy.It is after midnight.Maybe the coffee that I took in
the evening may be keeping me awake.Whatever may be, I will just pray and say
praises to the Lord.I am happy because the Lord is with me.I was mentally
disturbed because I did not find the Insurance document.I am missing it again!
I know it is somewhere here.I have to search for it again.I made a strong
decision to keep it in a safe place and in a visible place.Funny, I did not
take a picture or keep it.The Lord will help me to find it.I am sure.
Tomorrow is the 41 st memorial mass for Thuruthmaly.I
will go to Arpookara and return before noon in order to be at Kalamassery for
the meeting at 2.30.
Lord, you are the joy of my life.Be with me.
Even though I prepared a short note on Thuruthmaly, I
don't think anyone would ask me to speak.
I will speak about his nobility and humility , his
faithfulness to priestly life.Never showing any wavering in his attachment.
Chesterton's quote---the man who bends is straight and
the one who bows is taller. No complaints about his illness. He just accepted
it.He was getting prepared. Muggeridge's words---Like a school boy waiting to
go home at the end of the semester, like the winter bird, ready to fly to warm
places...
Lord, have mercy on me.
Tomorrow is the first anniversary of Theyamma too. I
cannot go.They never discussed with me the date they were going to choose.God
bless her.
Lord,Thank you for your love and forgiveness.
July 27,Saturday:
Went to Arpookara in the morning.Participated in the
office and later at the mass.They asked me whether I could give the homily.I
agreed.By the grace of God, I got the chance to pay homage to him. Also
mentioned the Kalkandom incident when we were in the seminary.
Had lunch there soon after the communion and returned to
Ekm for the meeting.Came sufficiently early.The meeting was attended well.The
principals of SH and Pala St.Thomas,Mala and teachers from Vimala,Assumption,
Mercy,Rajagiri etc were there.The meeting went OK.
July 28,Sunday
Biju came at 1.30 p.m.and brought me to Kalamasserry
around 2p.m.We left there around 2.15m. Reached YMCA around 9p.m.I got an AC
room.I saw a mosquito in the room!I would be ready at 6.50 am to say mass
privately at Lourdes.Somehow the phone shows that there is no range.I cannot
talk to anyone.No one can get in touch with me.Lord, I offer my heart to
you.You are the joy of my life.Thank you Lord for bringing me here.We had
chappati at Saravana.
Lord, I have to
use every moment everyday in praising you and adoring you.
July 30 Monday
Yesterday , we came back by 9.30 p.m. We had a short stop
at Aryas near Kripasngamam for meals.Biju was there at Kalamasserry and I
returned to Ekm.Thank you Jesus for your blessings.All the major assignments
are over for the time being.The two educational meetings
and the Tvm journey are over.I thank the Lord for keeping me alive to do these
things.Also the eye-surgery and its
recovery period are all over.Thank you Lord for your love.
I called Fr.Tomy and Francis.Spoke to me about the need
to borrow some money from Xime.Nothing to do today and hence will work on
finishing up reading some books.
Biju was sent to collect the Insurance bill copy.
Went to see Mathaichan in the evening.He is OK but weak.God
bless him and give him good health.
I have to pray hard. God has given me this opportunity in
order to pray for all and keep alive the love for the Lord.I have to live as an
extension for the goodness of the Lord. So many of my friends and relations are
gone. I have only very few friends remaining here with whom I can enter into
meaningful conversations.The greatest sorrow is in the loss of A.She was a
bulwark of l and advice for me.She was so healthy and strong.She did not have
any serious signs of weakness.All of a sudden , her kidney became weak and she
had to undergo dialysis.It was the home dialysis done at D's home that proved
her death -cause. What I can say is that it was the time for her to go.There
should be an occasion for it.Lord, increase my love for you.Deepen my
attachment to you. My time is also coming and these are intimations for me to
prepare myself for the final moment.
The memories of the lives of Fr.Chiramel and Thuruthmaly
come to my mind often.How fast they have left.
August 1,Thursday
Lord, thank you for the time being given to me.I have to
spend my time praising you and adoring you.No more worry about anything.Be
satisfied with the opportunities you have given me.Cooperate with all and use
the the little opportunities to deepen my spiritual life.I will spend today
reading the Bible and praising my Lord.Depend on his forgiveness and mercy.O Lord, deepen my knoweldge. Let me
feel never defeated out of ideas in praising you and speaking about you.
The friends I have lost are a reminder about using my
time usefully for you.
Today, I read Jn Ch.14th. A very consoling
chapter .Jesus is asking us to believe in Him because he and
the Father are one.Whatever we ask in his name will be granted to us.There is
life in him and our lives will be drawing
strength by being close to him.He is the life, the way and the
truth.Lord, thank you for your grace and blessings.today, I have to feel strong
and happy in your presence.What you told Philip should be repeated in my
life.He who sees you sees the Father.Oh, Rejoice and rejoice.
This morning, the Bank informed that the copy of my
insurance policy has been sent to my mail.I made a copy of it.Thank you Lord.i
was searching for a copy and could not find it anywhere.Got it fast.
I was reading an article of the Amerca magazine about the
qualities of Silicon Valley life: move fast and break things.Some of the
qualities associated with this new way of life are the following: New forms of
human connections,time saving automation,placing powerful technology in the
hands of wealthy and poor alike.The new term that is associated with this way
of life is Disruption.The Jesuits add a jesuit value to this
:Discernement—moving thoughtfully.Man is the centre of everything and his life
is be attended to.The motto of Jesuit education –Cura personalis--total care of
the person.
Lord, have mercy on me.You have given me enough time to
purify me and make me worthy of your love.
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