Sept.20.Sunday
Went with Bp.Alappatt to Washington DC by car in order to participate in the laying of the foundation stone for the new Washington DC SM church.They acknowledged me as the founder of the community.Met a few of the community.A good number of priests were present. Fr.Punchayil was present.Had supper at the house of Aleyamma and Johnson.I returned around 12 midnight.It was a long ride up and down. Mr.Roy of NJ drove the car.
I miss the voice and guidance of A.I know in the last few months before her death, she was hospitalized from the fall at her house and hence was not helpful much in her guidance. She was such a tower of strength in the past, offering her advice and guidance.
Sept.25,Wednesday:
Just two more days for my return trip. I have to start packing. I am happy and peaceful.I have something to do when I get back. I have to work with the staff at XIME , organizing the programmes for the youth.
I have to continue my jottings.
Lord, increase in me the power of your presence. Help me to find peace in you. The doubts and worries in my life should no more bother me.Help me to understand the power of the sacrament of reconciliation.Once God has forgiven me through the power of the sacrament, I should never waver in my acceptance of the grace of forgiveness.The past is past.I have to move forward with confidence and joy.I will be getting opportunities to speak about Jesus.
In today's reading for the meditation, I read Lk,9,61. Jesus is my strength.He is my life.
In response to Jesus' request to follow him, some one wants to say good bye to his family.Jesus tells him that one who looks back after putting his hand on the plow is not worthy of the kingdom of God.Lord keep me with you and give me your joy and peace.
This morning,I spoke with KA Georgekutty as I found his call yesterday.He spoke about Mathaichan's(OFFICE) passing away after a surgery and complications at the Chethipuzha hospital. Mathaichan was a simple and gentle-hearted person.His daughters were employed in Germany as nurses and built a good house.God bless him and give him eternal rest. He was 78 years old.
I was reading the book,Give and Take , but it was not that interesting.The author is emphasizing the value of giving and not taking.Adam Grant, the author is a Professor at Wharton school of Business.
Another chapter is the power of powerless communication.Instead of being assertive, one can start from one's vulnerability.A giver starts with vulnerability.
Some of his concluding thoughts are the following:
“Personally,the successful people whom I admire most are givers, and I feel that it is my responsibility to try to pass along what I have learned from them.
Although many of us hold strong values,we are often reluctant to express them.p.256.
The more I help out,the more successful I become.but I measure success in what it has done for the people around me.p.256
This is what I find most magnetic about successful givers.They get to the top without cutting others down,finding ways of expanding the pie that benefit themselves and the people around them.
Givers advance the world.Takers advance themselves and hold the world back. p.256
We do a majority of our waking hours at work....by shifting ever so slightly in the giver direction,we might find our waking hours marked by greater success,richer meaning,and more lasting impact.p.259.
Spoke to Vakachan.Today is his birthday.Gave an update about chackochan's health.He will have to spend a few months in the rehab.God bless him.I will keep him in my prayers.
Jesus, help me to be close to you.Help me to read and understand the power of your words.Let those words become my life.
Jesus' prayer to the Father ; I praise you ,Father,Lord of heaven and earth,because you have hidden these things from the wise and the learned,and made them known to little children. Lk 10,22
Sept.27,Friday.
Last day here during this visit.Lord, help me to be closer to you.Forgive my offenses. Nothing important is there to do.Will spend more time, praying and reading.The Supreme Court is adamant in its decision for the demolition of Maradu apartments.A very distressing situation.
Thank you ,Lord for your blessings.
This evening, Joshy and Sunu came to take me out for a dinner at a Gk restaurant, Lethos. The food was good—I got salmon.They spoke about the need for a surgery for Sunu within a year. It is past midnight, getting ready for sleep.Tomorrow, will be leaving for the airport at 8am.
Sept.28,7.15 am.
Lord, I thank you for all the blessings given to me during the stay here this month. Could give two homilies and bore witness to your love.Lord, thank you for your love.I will always keep my love for you undiminished. You will always be in my heart.My actions and words will be filled with your spirit.I won't do anything that would in anyway diminish the love of others for you.I will never depend on anyone nor would try to ingratiate myself with any one for the sake of favors.I don't want any favors.You have given me enough opportunities to work freely and with dignity.I will always use them.I find joy in your presence.I will keep my devotion to the Blessed Mother with great fervor and love.My mother has sustained me and kept my faith in you beloved Lord.I pray for all the members of my family, my parents and brothers and sisters and the members of the family who are with you.I offer my prayers for A,J and Thy who are with you.Bless them and forgive them.Keep them in your love.I cannot forget how A was a source of blessing for me, guiding me and praying for me.She used to lavish me with gifts whenever I came here.Bless her.
Thank you.Lord for your love.
Sept.29,Monday.
I returned last night.The flight was OK.The customs clearance, baggage clearance and check -in were smooth because of the wheel chair assistant.He did everything very nicely.In that way one of my worries was solved.Thank you , Lord for your kindness. Went to the Lounge in Bombay and stayed there for three hours.At Kochi , a lady took the baggage and put it in the trolley.
Varghese called me to say that the Arcbishop has taken charge as the Manager and appointed Fr. Padaith as the interim manager of SB college.
Lord, I thank you for giving me this time again.I will spend my time in prayers.Jesus is the Lord of my life.
I have to find joy until the end of my life in the power and the presence of Jesus.I will not put any trust in anything else.Jesus alone is enough.I know He will not abandon one who loves him.
Oct,1,Tuesday 1.30 am
I am not sleeping.I had a short nap after supper. I did go to XIME and Kakkand.I think I will go to Kakkanad everyday after 4p.m to say mass.I can spend some time in adoration too. This is an opportunity God has given me.I will continue my walks and spend my time in prayer.
Lord, every day, I offer all those intentions of my friends and relatives to you.Bless them and be with them.Protect them.I remember all my late friends, relatives and parents and offer all of them to you.Protect them , save them and give them eternal happiness. I have no meritorious deeds to offer to you.I am a sinner and have lost all the opportunities you gave me. I am alive now because of your protection.Thank you Lord for your love. The priests are going to Munnar and they have asked me to say mass on Oct.3rd,Thursday.I have to stay there on Oct.2 night.
Oct.2,Gandhi Jayanthi Day
Today is a public holiday,No class at XIME.I did not have to go to the Curia for mass as Fr.Vincent does not plan to go.Since I don't have anything to do, I went to Alleppey to say an office for Ammachi.Philip was there to help.He told me that the Accountant Mathew Kuracherry's wife was sick and hence I comforted him.
Reached Ekm by 3.30p.m.
Oct.3,Thursday
Lord, thank you again for your love and protection.Help me to pray and spend my time in your presence.I am slowly getting over my travel fatigue.For the last couple of days, there was a sense of slow movement but now I am getting over it.It is now 9.30 p.m.I am trying to avoid falling asleep.The travel fatigue is slowly disappearing.I have to thank the Lord for His innumerable blessings.I realize the power of psalms now.They are great expressions of love and gratitude.They offer us a way to be close to God through praise and love.God, I offer myself and all those who are related to me through family and friendship to your protection.
Oct.4,Friday
Today is Ammachi's death anniversary. Ammachi passed away on Oct.4th,1988.God bless her.She kept me in her prayers everyday.I feel unworthy of that love and prayers but those prayers have kept me from falling into great dangers.Thank you Lord; protect her.
The mass was said at St.Martin's. I could say mass well because of the good mike system.I did not have to raise my voice. Ria sang all the songs for the mass.We gathered after the mass for lunch at Mathaichan's house.Thunder and lightning now.Turned off TV and the internet.
Nothing else is there to write about.I am slowly getting over the jet fatigue.
Oct .7,Monday
Thank you Lord for this day.I woke up around 3 am and began to read Faith and Reason.The essay by Peter Kreeft was very good—he describes his conversion to Catholicism from his Dutch Calvinist Church upbringing.This book deals with the conversion stories of a few modern American philosophers.Tells how they all CAME TO THE CATHOLIC CHURCH.
Peter Kreef has an essay titled “Why” because from his early years he was always asking Why.He was not a rebel but an explorer and wanted to know the reason for everything.It brought him to reading the Church Fathers especially their treatment of the Eucharist.Abandoning the Eucharist was the failure of the Protestant denominations, according to Kreeft. So also is their antipathy to Tradition. He realizes that the NT was the product of the Tradition.With regard to Mary, he notes that as Jesus is our medicine for salvation,Mary received the preventative medicine while we receive the healing medicine.
This morning, I read the passage from the Gospel of Mathew where the two blind men were calling out to Jesus to heal them.It is a lesson for me to call out to Jesus daily in my life to heal me. I cannot live without being close to him.I want to be healed by Him , to be forgiven by Him and to be guided and supported by Him.
Lord, be with me .
I was reimbursed by the insurance and I never thought that they would reimburse me the expenses I incurred for my eye surgery.
Since there is no internet service here at Xime, I cannot do anything on online.
Oct.8,Tuesday.Pooja holiday at Xime
I will be going to the Mount and will stay there for the retreat.Will go to Xime tomorrow from there.I will spend more time in the chapel today.God has given me a little time and I have to use it in prayers.From today on wards, I have decided to spend at least two hours and more in prayers..Just be in the presence of the Lord.I have no long prayers.Will say , I love you Lord and forgive my sins.Bless those whom I have hurt through my thoughts, words and actions.
Today in the Gospel of Mathew, I read the passages on Jesus' entry into the Temple and Jesus' cursing of the fig tree.He tells the disciples that with faith,they can do anything.What is needed is total faith in the Lord. If our faith is strong, even mountains will be moved from their places.
O Lord, increase my faith.Help me to be strongly attached to you.You are the joy of my life.I have faltered and deviated from my paths.Now the journey is going to end.Many of my friends who were close to me have departed.I have very people with whom I can engage in conversation.The recent deaths of A,Thuruthmaly and Kazkukachalil have taken away from me persons with whom I could enter into conversations freely and unabashedly. Lord, be kind to me.
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