Jan. 5,Epiphany
I miss my friends very much these days.When I want to talk to someone , they are the ones I used to call.It is a reminder to me that life is transient and that I have to prepare myself for that end. A's picture waiting at the Paoli station comes to my mind often.After she has deteriorated in health, it is Jogy who comes to pick me up from her house. He also drops me there.Thampi and Ittyrachan also have dropped me there.It is God's decision that she should not suffer any more.
Jesus is telling me to put all my trust and faith in Him and never to wander away from Him.O Lord, be with me and strengthen me.
Monday,Jan 6
Went to Xime. When I reached there, I found that the students were all back after their vacation. There was a small celebration at 3p.m in recognition of the Best Director Award conferred on Dr.Nandagopal.
I am using the new allergy tablets from Costco.This morning I had a lot of sneezing etc but it looks like that it has subsided.
Jan.7,Tuesday
Today the retreat begins for the Bishops.Tomorrow is the National Strike.I may not go to Xime. I have to make calls to Bishops to remind them about the Inter-Church Council meeting.
Meditation on Lk. Ch.10—Good Samaritan and Martha and Mary.
Jesus praises Mary's decision to sit beside him to listen to his teaching.Martha is busy with preparations to host Jesus properly but still the non-working Mary is praised because of her decision to listen to his teaching.What is important is the time that we spend with Jesus. I do have to spend more time with Jesus, spending at least 30 minutes daily in my office room for prayer.I have to be with the Lord, thanking him and praising him .Nothing else is needed.Jesus will forgive my sins. I need God's help and his healing.
I have to learn everyday at least one saying of Jesus to repeat during my vacant hours on that day.
Today, the words I have to remember are the following: “One thing is needed.Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken away from her.”
Jan. 8,Wednesday
Public Strike.I would be going to XIME as today is not a bandh day and private vehicles would be on the road. Biju was asked to go to the Mount to call the Bishops for the Inter-Church Council meeting.
In today's meditation, Jesus is teaching the disciples the prayer, Our Father. In addition to teaching them the prayer, he asks them to persevere in their prayer and to ask God for anything they want. God will not deny our requests,just like a parent who accedes to the request of his son. In response to a woman's comment that the mother of Jesus is a blessed person, Jesus says that everyone who listens to him and follows him is his mother and relatives.
I have to be in constant contact with my Lord.The Lord is my life.
Lord, be with me. Forgive my sins. You are the joy of my life. Have mercy on me. When I look back on my life, I find so many instances of failure. In spite of my training and knowledge, how easily I have failed in my faithfulness to you, O Lord.
Jan.9, Wednesday
Today for meditation, Jn.14. A very beautiful Ch. The words Jesus spoke here should be my source of inspiration and life. Jesus is the way, the life and the truth. He tells us that if we ask Him anything in His name, He will do it.
Lord, your words are very consoling.I don't have to depend on anyone. You are my joy, peace and life. It is in you that I have to find joy. Oh, I will live in you and find my way in you. I don't have to look for my happiness in any person other than you. I have to trust and believe that you will forgive my sins and keep me beside you. I have to live with you in my heart and soul. Lord, thank you for revealing this truth to me. I have to find my rest and happiness in you.
This morning, will go to the Mount. Will say mass there, have an early lunch and go Ayavana for the funeral.
Jan.19,Friday
Yesterday went to the Mount, said the mass ,had early lunch and left for Kothamangalam. Reached there half an hour early and said the office. Waited there for the service to begin.
Today , reading from Jn.15 for meditation.Jesus is the vine and we are the branches. I have to be attached to Jesus in my thoughts and feelings.There should be nothing else in life that should draw away my attention from Jesus.A heart without any ill-feelings and totally focused on Jesus should be my aim in life.Will go to XIME in the morning and will have lunch at the Mount. Lord,I offer myself to you . Keep me in your love. Guide and direct me. Thank you for your blessings.You are my Lord and my life. Every moment that I have on earth will be spent for you.Lord, bless me.
I find that Fr.Mannarkulam passed away. I was thinking of going over to meet him but forgot all about it.God bless him.
Talked to Fr.Mattappally. He says he is the only surviving member in his family out of 11(including his parents.) I called to congratulate him on his article on Fr.Karukakalam in the Madhysthan.
Tomorrow when I go to Parel for the wedding, I will go to Nedumkunnam for viewing his body at 3p.m.
Today's paper carries the news that Biju's app has an investment of $8 billion.
I am at the Mount. Said mass at 2.45 p.m.It looks silent here. Maybe the Bishops are at their conference.I did not hear the sound of the bell.The nuncio is here.
I have to do some reading.
Jan.12.
Went yesterday morning to Chy . The wedding of Raju Kuttikal's son at 11 am at Parel Church. Gave the homily and concelebrated the mass.Fr.Roy and Fr.Philip were there for the ceremony. After lunch , went straight to Nedumkunnam and reached there by 2p.m. I called Fr.Koodathil before I left Parel.They gave me a room to rest and so I could lie down for an hour.The body was brought by 3.30p.m. I said an office along with Fr.Nirappel. On my return, stopped at Sr. Espirit's room ,saw her and prayed over her. She still can recognize and speak. Returned straight to Ekm.
Fr.Antony's departure was sudden in the sense that he was younger to me.He was sick for a couple of years. I did not have a chance to talk to him.I lost that opportunity.It was because of the classes I had at XIME. Otherwise, I could have found a day.Now, he is gone from our lives.I still see him as a young seminarian.
He was always affectionate, respectful and very courteous in his dealings with me.I should have helped him financially when he asked for help in the days when he was building up Sanjivany.I did not take his request seriously. He did a lot of work in constructing different places for those who are sick and marginalized.He was always jolly and fun-loving and treated all with respect. Discussed sometimes his dealings with the diocese. God bless him.We lost a kind-hearted and gentle priest.
Each one is given a gift in a different way. Each one has to develop that gift.I am not given the gift for construction but the gift of reading and communication. I have to read more and use my knowledge to speak about Christ without any diffidence.Nothing should deter me from speaking about the message of my Lord.The Lord has given me a Ph.D. in English.So why should I be diffident?Very few have that privilege.He has given me health and the means to buy books.Without feeling diffident, I should work to spread the message of Jesus.I should be bold and confident.Nothing should deter me from my work.I have only one work and nothing else.Use everything that I have to speak about Jesus.I have to leave when Jesus calls me. That is all. No diffidence before anybody.No authority ecclesiastical or otherwise does have any power over me.I have got whatever is needed in my life and ministry.I have still a lot of things to do for Jesus.I have to do all those things until the end of my life. Thank you,Lord, for inspiring me to make this resolution.
Today I finished reading the novel,The Sacrament. It is about a paedophile priest but is narrated in a subtle manner.The whole story is narrated by a sister who is sent as an investigator by a Cardinal from the Vatican. Since the sister is prevented from her investigations by the local Bishop and the Cardinal, the sister prepares the report and goes to the bell tower of the Church and seeing the priest at the top of the bell tower , repairing the bell, she pushes him through an open window and he falls to the ground , unseen by anybody except a boy who was locked in a closet in the school nearby. He doesn't see much clearly as he was confused by the sight. Very readable and one does not feel bored in any way. There are not many incidents or gripping narratives.
Watched a movie called “ Friends for Life” where a retired lawyer takes care of four wolf puppies who save him later.He was in grief because of his wife's death.Angel Raphael appears encouraging him and he gets over his grief and tries to do good for others. The last sentence he says in the movie.: "I heard the whisper of the wings."
His love for the wife and his grief over his loss are beautifully portrayed. A very good movie on Tubi.
Jan 13,Monday.
Will go to Xime and will read and write from there.
Reading a few pages from the book Making Choices by Peter Kreeft.
Jan.14,Tuesday
Will go to Xime and will give a call to Abraham Kurien. Will use the time to read of Kreeft's book.
Today , reading Jn.17 for meditation.Jesus is speaking about his unity with the Father and the unity of all believers with him and the Father. Today, I should spend more time in reflecting on my unity with the Lord.That sense of unity is the joy of my life and gives the confidence to overcome the fear that arises in my life.Lord, be with me at all times in my life.
Jan 16,Thursday-Inter-Church Council Meeting
A long ride from Kochi with Bp.Vaniapurakal in his car to Tvm.Reached there by 7.30pm.We started by 11.30.am.Stopped at Green Gardens for lunch and at Holy Cross Provincilate for coffee. Had a nice dinner with the Cardinal.Also there were a few French tourists. My phone does not work.I have to check with the idea -people after my return.
Lord, I thank you for giving me the chance to work still for you.I offer everything that I do for this meeting. Help me to speak for you and to work for you.
Jan.17, Friday
Said mass at the private chapel with Bp.Sebastian.Waited for more than an hour in my room for the breakfast.Again breakfast along with the Cardinal, Bp.Aprem and Bp.Awgin. Read the newspapers. Deepika has two reports about the meeting. Mathrubhoomi, I was told , carried the news. Didn't see anything in the Manorama .
My phone does not work in Tvm.I have to find out the reason.I cannot call anyone nor receive any calls.I am totally out of communication. My charge on the phone is getting weaker. the laptop is the only one working now. I have to accept these limitations. I have not brought any book for reading.I was under the impression that I could use my i phone. Now I have nothing with me that I can use during this time.I need just say the prayers and offer myself to the Lord.Thank you, Lord, for this time of silence in my life.
I have to spend my time with the Lord. That is all that I have to do now.
Jan,20,Monday.
Last night,Fr.Vincent called to tell me that the Feast of St. Sebastian would be celebrated next day morning and requested me to say a few words tomorrow about the two Sebastians in the community—the Bp and Fr.M.I tried to wriggle out of it but in the end, consented. I will be staying tonight at the Mount, hence, and will spend my time with them.I have to feel joyful in being part of the community. Will have to speak of all their good qualities.
I was meditating on ch.11 of Lk's Gospel where Jesus speaks about the vanity of wealth, trust in the providence of God and being ready for the final calling at any time in my life. O, Lord, those words are very appropriate to me and they speak directly to my mind which is often caught up in worries and vain thinking. What is required is to be ready for my call and also to be repentant always of my sins and failures. Now, nothing can be done with regard to the past. The past has happened and I cannot change it. But I can ask the Lord for forgiveness. In spite of my education and learning, I realize that those achievements did not help me to be morally upright always.It was so easy for me to slip and fall.I have to depend on the mercy of God. He has given me so much in spite of my failings. Lord, thank you and forgive me.
Jan.20,Tuesday
Last night-- went to the Mount and stayed there for the celebration of St.Sebastian's feast as I had to give a short message. Con-celebrated the morning mass.I woke up at 4.30 am and was present for the morning prayers. After the mass, we had breakfast. I had to give the speech right at the beginning before breakfast. Gave a short speech , praising both of them, using a story of Sheen on KISS. It was well appreciated. Also used, Festina, Lente to refer to Fr.Muttamthottiyil's style of life.
I was feeling very sleepy in the morning and could not do much. Thank You, Lord.
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