Lord, thank you for time given to me. Today, I did some reading on writing memos and reports.There are not many with whom I can talk now.
Fr.Thuruthmaly and Fr Jose were very companionable and I could talk with them freely. Well, it is the will of God for them to leave the earth.
Their lives and achievements were over.It is the same with every one.My time is also coming closer.There is no way one can live for ever.It is a fact of life that it should be over.I have to accept that and find my joy and peace in the Lord.
I miss A as she would be offering very sensible advice.But when she became aged and full of pain, she was always in her complaining mood.
I am now listening to music on chrome cast.
I have to find my joy and peace in Jesus.I have to follow the examples set by the lives of Ouseppachan and Josachan. When I think of my life, I feel ashamed of my failures and weaknesses.But Jesus offers us hope.He himself has asked us to show mercy and forgiveness without any reservation.The Lord is giving us mercy and forgiveness without any limit.Thank you,Lord.
June 22, Saturday
I spent a few minutes in the Chapel.What I have to do is to spend Saturdays with the Lord, in the Chapel.Nothing else is to be done.If I have nothing else to do, I should come here and spend the time before the Bl.Sacrament.
I have not done much except writing down some notes on writing memos.But that is OK. What is important is spending time with the Lord.I will do more writing too on communications.
Sunday-June 23
I did not do much today except going to the church to say the mass privately. I have collected the papers necessary for the cataract surgery.
I will go for the laser, if it is available there.
Lord, give me the strength and confidence to do everything for you.I know I don't have any public platform to work on. Of course, even if I get any official posting, I am beyond the age where I can be employable.Look at the lives of Ouseppachan and Joseachan. Before their dreams were fulfilled, they left their lives here. I could not say any parting words to Ouseppachan. It was all sudden.I could not visit him as the driver was unavailable at that time.I have to remmebr them in my prayers.That is all I can do.I just have to say the prayers, continuously. The Lord is my help and strength.
Lord, be with me.Be my strength and hope.I shall not feel any diffidence. Today, in the Gospels, I read the words of Jesus asking the disciples to be like children since they were discussing who was the greatest among them.
Lord, take away all those feelings from me.Make me accept my present status in life and help me to do whatever that is needed to deepen my faith.I see how transient life is.What is important is to remain close to Jesus.Lord, have mercy on me.
I offer everything to the Lord.
No one to talk to and there is no one who would understand what I have to share. Of course,It is time for all to pass away.What I should be doing is to prepare myself for the coming life.Accept it when it comes.Make myself pure before God.I have to depend on the mercy and the kindness of God.
O Lord, I have no idea how it happened that I was running away from you in spite of all that you gave me.Henry Nouwen's words gave the right advice that I was looking for.I should never doubt the unlimited forgiveness and mercy of the Lord.
Thank you Lord, for your kindness.
Monday,June 24
Graded a few of the papers that the students wrote.The Canteen is off for a week.When I went to the pantry, there were no meals.
June 25,Tuesday
Tonight the sisters will be given an official farewell.I will be staying at the Mount as tomorrow there is a mass for Fr. Chiramel.
The sisters were very helpful and kind.They took care of the priests very well. Sr. Kochurani, the mother, was helpful to all.God bless them. I thought of buying crosses and rosaries for them but I did not get time for it.
I have to find joy and peace in my life by spending my time in prayers.Jesus is everything for me.I don't have to look for peace anywhere else.Today, in the Gospel of Mathew, I read about the words of Jesus in Mt.18 on divorce and remarriage.The Lord is very definitive on the unity of marriage.The Gospel also mentions the blessing of the children by Jesus.
Jesus, bless me and keep me under your protection.
I was just reading a few passages from the book on prayers of Rahner. His section on the last words of Jesus, especially the words, everything is finished, is very inspiring. I have used them w r to Chakochan Vanayamparampil's life at his memorial mass, earlier, without being aware of the interpretation of Rahner. What we can say at the end of our life is the same: Everything is finished.It does not mean that we are perfect but that the time is over and that we need the mercy and forgiveness of the Lord.Nothing else can be done on our part.We had our sins and failures.Our weaknesses did not allow us to overcome our failures.We succumbed to them.Only God's mercy can save us.We have to depend on him. Rahner also expatiates on the words of Jesus to His mother by telling Jesus to hand us over to His mother.She is our powerful intercessor.As she was with Jesus at all the moments of His life, she should be with us.She walked all the way from Nazareth to Jerusalem , stayed where he stayed, and was present at all the important moments of His life .She never intruded upon His life.She was present at the foot of the cross.She absorbed everything.Later , she was with the Apostles in the Upper Room, spending days in prayer.
O, Mother , have mercy on me.Even after I have reached this period of my life which is the most that one can reach in life, I have the same weaknesses and failures that I had in my younger years.Have mercy on me.Pray for me and walk beside me.
I just spent a couple of hours in the room ,taking lunch, having a nap and watching TV. But, now I am at the office. Since I cannot read books because of the small letters, I have to spend my time somehow.
I have to reflect on the Gospels and the psalms and note down my reflections.I can use my time in that way.
3.30p.m.--
George Paul came and told me about the official inauguration of the academic year on July 1st with a mass at 8am.I told him that I would have a cataract treatment on June 29 but I would have get some other priest for the mass.
Lord, help me to praise and adore you.You are the joy of my life. I have to pray and be close to you.
Tomorrow, the mass will be offered for Fr.Jose Chiramel.Can't believe that he is no more with us.He is with the Eternal Father, with Jesus and Mary.Lord keep him beside you.Have mercy on us who are here , sinful and sorrowful and forgive my sins.
Happy news for the Cardinal.God bless him.The prayers have been heard.He is going to be reinstated.
Tomorrow, I am going to meet the doctor with the blessing sof the Lord.
June 26-Wednesday
The mass for Fr.Jose Chiramel was over. Took part in the con-celebration. The family was here. Met all of them. Roy Chacko and Renjan Chacko were here. Renjan spoke in his speech about Fr.Chiramel's references to me.
Will be going to Xime and will go to the doctor's from there.
Went in the afternoon to Garidhar with Johnachan.
Almost two hours.Decided to have the laser treatment ,coming to more than Rs.80,000 .
Next two days, drops of medicine on the left eye.
June 27-Thursday
Read the news in Chy diocese What is app about the passing away of Fr.Koottummel. He always looked healthy.How soon everything is over with him.We joined the seminary together and he was our assistant parish priest when I was a seminarian.He was at Thathampally when Achayan passed away.So, he might have been at Thathampally at my first mass.God bless him.Did not have a chance to talk to him recently.Funeral is on Friday at 9.30 am at Nazreth.
In today's Gospel ,Mat 29, I read Jesus's entry to Jerusalem and of cleansing the Temple.I have to allow myself to be touched by Jesus and be cleansed by him.Narrow-mindedness fills my mind.I have to cleanse myself by asking the pardon of the Lord.I have to depend on him totally and sing always Hosanna , welcoming him every moment in my life.Without the presence of Jesus, I won't have any joy and peace in my life.
From 8 am today on wards , I have to take the drops for my eyes every four hours.
God grant eternal rest to Fr.Koottummel.
No comments:
Post a Comment